Tuesday, January 15, 2008

It’s time to take this one to the rack, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Cowboy fans are blaming Dallas’ 21-17 loss to the New York Giants on Tony Romo’s much-photographed Mexican vacation with his girlfriend Jessica Simpson. Come on, the only way Jessica could ruin a game for the Cowboys is if she was in charge of adding up their points.

That is silly. Jessica Simpson cannot be blamed for the failure of the Dallas Cowboys, the failure of the movie “The Dukes of Hazard” maybe, but the Dallas Cowboys loss, no.

Apparently their affair was so steamy, Romo was too chafed to wear a cup.

Blaming the Cowboy loss on Jessica Simpson is like blaming global warming on Al Gore’s flatulence.

Seriously, would anyone really want someone as their team’s quarterback who would turn down a romantic resort getaway with Jessica Simpson?

It’s about time
General Motors is developing a driverless car. It comes with a remote controlled middle finger.

Finally some good news for Lindsay Lohan.

General Motors is developing a driverless car. Their slogan is “It’s like being in a taxicab without all the body odor.”

We’ve had driverless cars for years. They’re called the Ford Taurus. Nobody can drive those pieces of crap.

Yeah, the New York taxicab model even comes with fragrance dispenser that emits human body odor.

How cold was it?
The New England area was hit with a strong winter storm. In fact, it was so cold, Patriot QB Tom Brady cuddled up with a super model just to get warm.

It has been cold around the country this winter. In fact, it was so cold in Texas, Roger Clemens injected anti-freeze into his ass.

Quite a feat
Paris Hilton was chosen least likable female celebrity. That is quite a feat for Paris considering the field includes Omarosa, Heather Mills and Rosie O’Donnell.

Since you asked:
As for my playoff predictions, one out of four isn’t, well, it isn’t good, but it’s not really not bad either. OK, it sucks. But, to my credit, I did expect the Giants and the Chargers to cover and they did, I just didn’t think they would get all silly and go win. The weather was a big advantage for the Packers but I am glad they won even though I picked the Seahawks. And the Patriots are even scarier than I thought.