Monday, December 10, 2007

We loves us some Favre, we really do. But if Favre is pronounced Far-vruh, shouldn’t Brett be pronounced Rib-ette, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

In the cover article of “Sports Illustrated” “Sportsman of the Year” issue it was revealed that legendary Green Bay QB Brett Favre is also legendary in the clubhouse for his flatulence. That means that Favre isn’t just a surname, it is also an onomatopoeia:


So when Green Bay runs the no huddle offense, it isn’t to speed up play, it is to get away from a toxic Favre.

So when Favre is calling signals from the shotgun and he lifts his leg, it may or may not mean for the center to hike him the ball.

The excessive Favre gas explains why the Green Bay audible signal for the give-and-go is Favre pulling his own finger.

This also explains how the Lambeau leap was invented: Receivers were trying to distance themselves from a gaseous Favre.

The cover article of “Sports Illustrated” “Sportsman of the Year” issue had players and writers revealing their favorite Brett Favre story. One of SI writer’s Peter King’s favorites is when Brett was bird hunting with him and to lure the grouse closer, Favre whispered; “Here Grousie, grousie, grousie.”

Others speak of the many times when asked if he knows how to spell Mississippi, Favre asks deadpanned: “Do you mean the river or the state?”

But my personal favorite Favre story was from the “Sports Illustrated” writer –whose name I cannot recall - who discovered that 1996 Green Bay tackle Bruce Wilkerson was a much-beloved gentle giant with an equally giant stutter. And, apparently, about the only thing those Super Bowl bound Packers loved more than Wilkerson was good-naturedly teasing him about his stutter, which, clearly, Wilkerson was a great sport about.

During one game, Wilkerson was to check off the lineman’s blocking assignments at the line of scrimmage by yelling the check word Cow, but, in the excitement, he got severely stuck on the hard C, repeatedly grunting; “Kuh, kuh, kuh, kuh” to much stifled-snickering from his teammates. Finally, in abject frustration, Wilkerson shouted: “Mooooooooo.”

Favre and the entire team started laughing so hard Favre had to call a timeout. When Favre staggered to the sidelines, holding his stomach laughing, Coach Mike Holmgren asked what was so damn funny. Tears streaming down his face, Favre couldn’t stop laughing long enough to even tell him.

And then Favre farted.

Or did he fatred?