Sunday, November 04, 2007

We gonna do like I do, like I do, like I do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A good read
Britney Spears’s mother, Lynne, has written a book on parenting. And I can’t wait to read it just as soon as I am done with my Paris Hilton book on playing hard to get.

Dog that dog
Dog the Bounty Hunter is in trouble for getting caught on tape using a racist epitaph. Not only that, but he also called his wife, Mrs Dog the Bounty hunter, a real bitch.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in trouble for getting caught on tape using a racist epitaph. Apparently he said the word three times. Which is 21 times in Dog the Bounty Hunter years.

Kinda different
China announced they’re putting together a research institute to study and produce hybrid cars. China’s hybrid cars are different. They run half on leaded gas and half on leaded toys.

Not a good fit
Barry Bonds told an interviewer that, if he is inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame, he will not be present at the induction ceremony. It’s not that Bonds doesn’t want to go to the Hall of Fame, it’s just that his head won’t fit through their door.

No problim
The Writers Guild of America has called for a strike against film and television.. This were the firstliest writerers walk out in 20th years but it are notly expecting to have muchlier of a effect.

Don’t worry about the writer’s strike, we developed a comedy writing computer program. qWikWit. All you have to do is type in a topical news item and it will supply you with a punch line.

We type in: “The TV Writers are on strike” and it replies “Britney Spears vagina” Oh, sorry, this is the beta version. Let me get the final release. Try it again: Type in: “The writers are on strike.” And it replies: “Just like Bush’s speech writers have been for seven years.”

We type in: “The Writers are on strike.’ and it replies; “So that means Paris Hilton can’t have sex with writers.”

We type in: “The TV writers are on strike” and it replies “so, until further notice, the Rosie O’Donnell, Donald Trump fight is on hold.”

We type in: “The TV writers are on strike” and it replies; “Boy, you thought “Lost” was hard to follow before, wait until the episode written by the key grip and best boy.”

We type in: “The TV writers are on strike” and it replies; “You can tell the TV writers are on strike, the catch phrase for “Heroes” is “Shave the Cheerleader, shave the world.”

Since you asked:
Don’t worry about the writer’s strike, Slats and Nugs. For right now, I am going to have my buddy Bill Stewman, whom we affectionately call Stewie Dogs, write a joke for you. Here you go Stewie.

“Hi everyone, I am Bill Stewman. My buddies call me Stewie Dogs. Gosh, I am kind of nervous, I’ve never written a joke before. I can tell a lot of them, like: what is brown and sticky? A stick. Get it? I love that one. Anyway, here goes:

Did you hear that the TV and movie writers are on strike? It is serious, they may have to put a hold on the production of “Oceans 32.”

See, I was making a joke about how they have made a lot of those Oceans movies and although there have been only three movies, Oceans 11, 12, 13, many people thought there were at least one too many, so I exaggerated. And I read where the number 32 is considered one of the funniest.

Lex: Not bad, Stewie Dogs, but you dissected the Frog.

SD: Huh?

Lex: Humor is like a Frog, you can dissect it if you want, but you kill it in the process.

SD: What does a dead frog have to do with comedy?

Lex: And besides, 32 is only funny if spoken by a Brooklyn accent. Thoitie Too. OJ’s number was 32 and nothing is funny about that guy.

SD You know, you think you are such a comedy expert, Mr. Dissected Frog, but I don’t see you on strike.

Lex: That’s because I don’t get paid to do this blog.

SD: You don’t?

Lex: Nope

SD: Does this mean I am not getting paid for my joke?

Lex: Yep.

SD: I am outta here.

Lex: Stewie Dogs, everybody, let’s give it up for Stewie Dogs.

(Polite applause)