Thursday, November 08, 2007

Lean on it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Lance Armstrong is dating Olsen twin Ashley Olsen; you know the main difference between riding a bicycle and dating an Olsen twin? At least the bike has a padded seat.

Celebrity boxing
Fabio and George Clooney got in a scuffle in a Beverly Hills restaurant; Fabio was hosting a lunch for charity and the women took pictures of Fabio, but George got huffy because he thought they were taking pictures of him. Good thing the two were separated, the 6ft 4, 220 pound Fabio would have beaten the 5.9, 165 Clooney until he couldn’t believe his face wasn’t butter

Sound familiar?
In Virginia, a cruise captain ran his small cruise ship aground. The name of the ship? The Spirit of Nantucket.

There was a boat: the Spirit of Nantucket.

The water was so shallow it got stuck in it.

The captain he grinned and said with chagrin,

“As a boat captain, I really quite suck it.”

iPhone made its European debut but things did not go well for the iPhone in France; the French didn’t like it because the iPhone is shaped eerily too much like a roll-on deodorant dispenser.

Since you askedededededededed
My supernatural gifts have been well-chronicled in this blog: my ability to make cashiers wander off simply by my getting their line, my dynamic, mystical pull that unconsciously forces drivers to drift over to my lane without signaling, which is tied-in to my ability to magically cause the driver in front of me at the stop light to decide to dial on his/her cell phone, mess up the number and dial again after the light has changed green.

Now it seems I have a new gift. If I find a restaurant that has something on the menu that I particularly like, that item will be taken off of the menu within one week.

Again, nobody said these were useful or even enviable gifts, I just said that I have them.