Saturday, November 10, 2007

It ain’t nothin’ but a thang thang, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Honest mistake

A priest was arrested for stalking Conan O’Brien; it makes sense, O’Brien still looks a lot like an alter boy.

Old 70’s reference
Tampa Bay is changing their name from the Devil Rays to the Rays. In fact, you can call them Ray or you can call them Jay or you can call them Jay Jay or Ray Jay, but you don’t hafta call them Johnson.

What’s in a name?
Tampa Bay is changing their name from the Devil Rays to the Rays. In a related story, the 1-8 Notre Dame is going to change its name to the Dame.

Be fair
In Los Angeles, with her two kids in the car, witnesses filmed Britney Spears blowing through a red light while dialing her cell phone; but give Britney a break, it was about to be last call.

Not easy
Katie Holmes ran in the New York Marathon and got a kiss from her husband Tom Cruise at the finish; Holmes described it as the toughest, most grueling thing she has ever been through, and besides the kiss, the run was hard too.

Oh, well that would explain it then
Kevin Federline’s attorney claims Britney Spears is ducking her court-ordered drug tests; Britney claims she isn’t intentionally ducking the tests, she just keeps missing them after passing out from doing too many drugs.

Wise guy
The New Jersey Devils played their first home game in the new $380 million stadium. It took a long time to build this new New Jersey Devils stadium, it took an entire year to relocate all the buried bodies.

Since you asked:

Reason #459 why I hate Blockbuster Video.

There just isn’t a way possible the snotty morons who work in our local Blockbuster could be lousier at customer service. Not if they were taken over by the government, not if they actually tried to do a Dick’s Last Resort theme and tried to be rude to customer’s intentionally.

Sadly, our Wherehouse closed – Blockbuster’s only competition – so I am forced to go back to rent from Blockbuster. While I was in line with about ten other customers, all of the clerks were feverishly unpacking DVDs and putting up displays and not one person was manning a cash register.

Finally the phone rings and – pursuant to Blockbuster’s policy of always helping the lazy fat-asses who call from home instead of the people who bother to be there in person – one of the empty-headed slackers went behind the desk and picked up the phone. The person calling had questions about –speaking of lazy fat-asses - Michael Moore’s “Sicko” which the snotty clerk answered grudgingly while keeping the rest of us standing in line.

After hanging up, the clerk said loudly to nobody in particular;

“Oh my gaaawwd, they like wanted to know how long the movie was, what it was about, if it is good and I’m all like thinking, oh my gawwd, haven’t these people even heard of the Internet?”

The Internet? As in the place people should go to get their DVDs in the first place to hopefully drive Blockbuster out of business? I’ve heard good things about it.

No lie, if there is any justice, Blockbuster will go out of business in some heinously dog-fighting video-connected scandalous way that will be so horrific it will brand the empty-brained, slacker-losers who ever worked there as permanently stained against future employment forever.

When I first owned a VCR, I got spoiled because there was a Mom and Pop – actually just a Pop – video shop in our neighborhood. It was called Captain Video and this funny movie nut who owned it would actually get dressed up in his Captain Video cape and tights. He was as funny as he was knowledgeable. Once he got to know you, he would recommend obscure movies that he knew you would like. And he was always right. He recommended “Tremors” to me by saying;

“This is, without any doubt, the best killer sand worm movie ever made.”

And, once again, he was right. No way I would have rented a movie like that on my own. What could possibly drive a nice guy like that out of business?

The sinister and evil Blockbuster.