It is hard out here

That there is a steaming bowl of tore-up from the floor up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Errrrp
I’m fine now, but I wasn’t feeling too good on Saturday; in retrospect maybe it wasn’t a good idea to eat that Taco Bell Bird Flu Burrito.

Finally
NASA is going to put a space station on the moon. This is good news for those lonely and bored Starbucks moon-store employees.

So that explains it
The San Francisco Giants signed Barry Bonds to a one-year $16 million deal; Why the number sixteen? It’s the same as Bonds’s hat size.

A sure sign
An associate of the radiation poisoned spy has radiation poisoning. You know how you can tell if you have radiation poisoning? When you can read at night by the light from your genitals.

A guy would brag
An American Airlines flight from Dallas to Nashville was forced to land after a passenger lit matches to mask her severe flatulence. The woman is horribly embarrassed. You know if this happened to a guy he’d call his buddies. “Yeah, that’s right, I took a plane out of the sky.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, in preparation for landing we ask you that you raise your trey tables to their full upright and locked position, and, whatever you do, do not pull that stinky lady’s finger.”

Yo, I got some good stuff over here
There is an outbreak in food poisonings at the New York and New Jersey area Taco Bells; this will teach Taco Bell not to buy their meat from Vinny “The Disposer” Ecolio.

In New Jersey they should have suspected there was a problem when the ground beef turned out to have bullets in it.

For truth in advertising
An American Airlines flight to Nashville made a forced landing after a passenger lit matches to mask her severe flatulence. As a result, American Airlines had to change their motto to:

“We’re American Airlines, something especially nasty in the air.”