Since you asked:

My wife, Virginia, bless her heart, has a thing for decorative bed pillows. Not to be biased, but this has to be a chick thing. We have more fancy pillows on our bed than the Sheik of Arabia. This is a thing I do not get. Why go to the trouble of arranging a bunch of pillows like a Japanese rock garden only to have to toss them all off on the floor when you go to bed?

These pillows serve absolutely no purpose and look affected and or dated to me, but, as far as decoration input is concerned, my opinion counts less than the opinion of one of those pillows.

And my wife loves those pillows. She fretted and fretted over the fabric, size, colors, patterns and then, once she had all of her treasured perfect pillows, she fretted over how to arrange them.

So what does our no-sense-having, hound-dog-resembling white/ yellow Labrador, Wrigley, do? The second he has a chance, when nobody was looking and before we could make the bed and the pillows were on the floor, he sneaks up stairs heads right for the biggest and prettiest silk decorative bed pillow, lifts his leg and pees all over it. And not on one spot, Wrigley did a whole Jackson Pollock number. It was the single most efficient and effective thing Wrigley could have done to piss off my wife short of pooping on her shoes.

This ultimate affront was made worse because it followed a weekend of my wife lavishly doting on our dogs. She walked them every day, she gave them a bath and she brushed them down. At night she would cuddle and coo with the dogs, hoping to train them to behave and stay close in the newly redecorated home entertainment area, which, to their credit, they do.

So how does Wrigley reward all that attention? He pees on her damn pillow. But what else can you expect from a dog that, on Christmas eve, with the scent of chestnuts roasting on an open fire and the dulcet sound of Nat King Cole singing “Oh Holy Night” cheerily wafting in the air, Wrigley walks up and, as pretty as you please, pees directly on the Christmas tree and all the presents underneath.

This is a dog with serious icon authority issues. And no sense. No sense at all.