It is hard out here
Yeah? Well that’s what she said, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
From Janice and Lex collaboration productions
Dick Cheney’s approval rating is 18%. It is so bad that, at this point, the only way Cheney could improve his popularity is if he shot himself.
That was fast
The A.P. reported that a patron at a Burger King in Palmdale CA was charged $4,334.33 — instead of $4.33 — on his debit card for four hamburgers. Burger King immediately reimbursed the customer and the cashier was immediately promoted to president of Chevron Oil.
Who knew?
There is a workers strike all across France; The worst part? It took two days before anyone noticed the French workers were actually striking and not just ignoring customers as usual.
Adds up
A “Time” survey reveals that 74% of women said women on spring break use alcohol to fuel public displays of lascivious behavior. The other 26% were too busy getting all nasty for Jager shots.
People, people who schtup people
A new book reveals that Barbra Streisand has had many, many celebrity affairs including Prince Charles, Bill Clinton and Richard Gere and everyone in between. If it’s true people who need people are the luckiest people, Barbra has got to be about the luckiest bitch on the planet.
Saying something
“Rolling Stone” named “CSI: Miami” star David Caruso as the worst actor on television. That is quite an accomplishment what with “Joey” still on the air.
Bad year for Jacko
It really has been a rough year for Michael Jackson and it just got worse. Today Michael found out he was left off of the “FHM” magazine’s 100 sexiest women list.
The statue is so lifelike, unlike Kevin
An art gallery in New York will unveil a controversial life-size sculpture of Britney Spears crouched on all fours on a bear skin rug as she gives birth to Sean Preston. The detail is amazing, it has a statue of Kevin Federline lying on the couch, hands down his pants and smoking a joint.
Perfect
In France hundreds of thousands rioted against tougher labor laws. And what could possibly be a more effective way of demonstrating against laws designed to create a better work force than ditching work to destroy property?
Hate to hear that
In London, singer Tom Jones was knighted to Sir Tom Jones. It was a little embarrassing, after he knelt before Queen Elizabeth, she threw her underwear at him and they knocked Jones unconscious.
Caution
Researchers in London are developing a birth control pill that would eliminate P.M.S. in women. There is a disclaimer: warning, eliminating PMS in some women, like Hillary Clinton, could result in a coma.
Record setting
The first Beer Health center opened in the Czech republic that has a pool filled with beer. In a related story, the beer filled pool was just the site of the world’s longest game of Marco Polo.
The first Beer Health center opened in the Czech republic that has a pool filled with beer. It’s a great place to take a romantic date. You jump in the beer pool and when you get out, your date looks much more beautiful and you suddenly feel romantic.
The hardest job is being a lifeguard at the beer pool. Guys who are drowning don’t want to be saved.
So proud of my beloved alma mater
The University of California at Santa Barbara offers a class in pornography. Guys, it brings a whole new meaning to the term: a pop quiz.
How embarrassing would it be for a guy to flunk a class in pornography? “For some reason I just couldn’t get a grip on the material.”
The University of California at Santa Barbara offers a class in pornography. Talk about bringing back high school memories. “Come up here and show your work on the board” “Uh, no teacher, can I just sit here and think about baseball box scores for a while?”
In a related story UC Santa Barbara has just announced that Bill Clinton will be a guest lecturer.
“Class is over, you can go now.” “Teacher, can I just sit here for a while and think about bowling?”
This porno class brings a whole new meaning to the expression cramming all night for a test.
“So, did you study for the pornography class?” “Did I? I studied hard.”
At University of California at Santa Barbara, there is a class in pornography. Don’t kid yourself, it is not an easy class. The grading is pretty stiff.
Since you asked:
So I know what you’re asking, you’re asking, Lex, Lex, Lex, you rapscallion, you rogue, you demigod, you bon vivant man-about-town scallywag freakin’ lousy one night motherfizzy stand, what the hell are you doing tonight?
Glad you asked. Going to work out like a beast, catch the end of my daughter kicking some serious under eight soccer butt and then grill me a marinated flank steak and watch me some big ol’ gorilla flick. Yes, that’s right, “King Kong” night here. Dat’s right, we getting’ our monkey on up in this here this here.
For the flank steak recipe check here:
http://www.emerils.com/recipes/by_name/grilled_marinated_flank_steaks.html
From Janice and Lex collaboration productions
Dick Cheney’s approval rating is 18%. It is so bad that, at this point, the only way Cheney could improve his popularity is if he shot himself.
That was fast
The A.P. reported that a patron at a Burger King in Palmdale CA was charged $4,334.33 — instead of $4.33 — on his debit card for four hamburgers. Burger King immediately reimbursed the customer and the cashier was immediately promoted to president of Chevron Oil.
Who knew?
There is a workers strike all across France; The worst part? It took two days before anyone noticed the French workers were actually striking and not just ignoring customers as usual.
Adds up
A “Time” survey reveals that 74% of women said women on spring break use alcohol to fuel public displays of lascivious behavior. The other 26% were too busy getting all nasty for Jager shots.
People, people who schtup people
A new book reveals that Barbra Streisand has had many, many celebrity affairs including Prince Charles, Bill Clinton and Richard Gere and everyone in between. If it’s true people who need people are the luckiest people, Barbra has got to be about the luckiest bitch on the planet.
Saying something
“Rolling Stone” named “CSI: Miami” star David Caruso as the worst actor on television. That is quite an accomplishment what with “Joey” still on the air.
Bad year for Jacko
It really has been a rough year for Michael Jackson and it just got worse. Today Michael found out he was left off of the “FHM” magazine’s 100 sexiest women list.
The statue is so lifelike, unlike Kevin
An art gallery in New York will unveil a controversial life-size sculpture of Britney Spears crouched on all fours on a bear skin rug as she gives birth to Sean Preston. The detail is amazing, it has a statue of Kevin Federline lying on the couch, hands down his pants and smoking a joint.
Perfect
In France hundreds of thousands rioted against tougher labor laws. And what could possibly be a more effective way of demonstrating against laws designed to create a better work force than ditching work to destroy property?
Hate to hear that
In London, singer Tom Jones was knighted to Sir Tom Jones. It was a little embarrassing, after he knelt before Queen Elizabeth, she threw her underwear at him and they knocked Jones unconscious.
Caution
Researchers in London are developing a birth control pill that would eliminate P.M.S. in women. There is a disclaimer: warning, eliminating PMS in some women, like Hillary Clinton, could result in a coma.
Record setting
The first Beer Health center opened in the Czech republic that has a pool filled with beer. In a related story, the beer filled pool was just the site of the world’s longest game of Marco Polo.
The first Beer Health center opened in the Czech republic that has a pool filled with beer. It’s a great place to take a romantic date. You jump in the beer pool and when you get out, your date looks much more beautiful and you suddenly feel romantic.
The hardest job is being a lifeguard at the beer pool. Guys who are drowning don’t want to be saved.
So proud of my beloved alma mater
The University of California at Santa Barbara offers a class in pornography. Guys, it brings a whole new meaning to the term: a pop quiz.
How embarrassing would it be for a guy to flunk a class in pornography? “For some reason I just couldn’t get a grip on the material.”
The University of California at Santa Barbara offers a class in pornography. Talk about bringing back high school memories. “Come up here and show your work on the board” “Uh, no teacher, can I just sit here and think about baseball box scores for a while?”
In a related story UC Santa Barbara has just announced that Bill Clinton will be a guest lecturer.
“Class is over, you can go now.” “Teacher, can I just sit here for a while and think about bowling?”
This porno class brings a whole new meaning to the expression cramming all night for a test.
“So, did you study for the pornography class?” “Did I? I studied hard.”
At University of California at Santa Barbara, there is a class in pornography. Don’t kid yourself, it is not an easy class. The grading is pretty stiff.
Since you asked:
So I know what you’re asking, you’re asking, Lex, Lex, Lex, you rapscallion, you rogue, you demigod, you bon vivant man-about-town scallywag freakin’ lousy one night motherfizzy stand, what the hell are you doing tonight?
Glad you asked. Going to work out like a beast, catch the end of my daughter kicking some serious under eight soccer butt and then grill me a marinated flank steak and watch me some big ol’ gorilla flick. Yes, that’s right, “King Kong” night here. Dat’s right, we getting’ our monkey on up in this here this here.
For the flank steak recipe check here:
http://www.emerils.com/recipes/by_name/grilled_marinated_flank_steaks.html
posted by Alex at
11:19 AM
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