Friday, January 06, 2006

Are you my dog Are y

Are you my dog? Are you my dog? You my dog, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

My bad
In the Rose Bowl Texas beat USC 41-38. Did you see that the opening coin toss by the Quaker Oats guy? Oh, sorry, it was former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor.

Hate to hear that
The story is that Heisman trophy winner Reggie Bush is very upset about the loss; in fact, their hasn’t been a Bush this upset since Dick Cheney took away George W.’s television priveliges

Popped Trojans
I haven’t seen USC alumni this upset since they reinstated the luxury tax on yachts.

USC alumni were so upset it put them right off of their Beluga caviar and Cristal champagne.

USC fans were mortified, but due to their Botox injections, nobody could tell.

USC students were so upset they skipped their lanyard-keychain-making class.

USC quarterback Matt Linehart was so upset that today in his ballroom dancing class, the girl had to lead.

USC students are so upset to mourn they’ve tied black cashmere sweaters around their polo shirts.

I haven’t seen Texas guys this happy since their girlfriends said they don’t have to go with them to watch “Brokeback Mountain.”

Quite a statement
To say that the Rose Bowl lived up to its hype is really saying something; it’s like saying Paris Hilton lives up to her skank.

Now that’s bad
Britney Spears hubby Kevin Federline’s rap single PopoZao is being called by critics the worst rap song ever; that’s like being called the worst hitter on the New York Mets, the most corrupt congressman or the only guy to strike out with Paris Hilton.

You can download Britney’s husband,  K-Fed’s, Rap song, PopoZao, for 99 cents or you can make better use of the money and take a blow torch to 99 pennies and pour the red hot coins down your pants.

Britney Spears hubby Kevin Federline’s released a rap single called PopoZao; it is available to buy online for anyone and everyone who has absolutely no taste in music whatsoever.

Britney Spears hubby Kevin Federline’s rap single PopoZao is being called the worst rap song ever; can we please make it illegal for white guys to make rap albums? You don’t see black guys trying to become Polka singers.

I don’t want to say that Kevin Federline’s rap song, PopoZao, is awful, but to get it out of my head I had to listen to Regis Philbin’s Christmas CD.

Dabble dabble doo
Lindsay Lohan admitted to ‘Vanity Fair” that she has dabbled in drugs. Yeah, Lindsay dabbled in drugs like Japanese pearl divers dabble in water.

Yeah, Lindsay dabbled in drugs like Luciano Pavarotti dabbles in pasta.

Yeah, Lindsay dabbled in drugs like Kevin Federline dabbles in free-loading.

Yeah right, compared to Lindsay Lohan, Al Pacino’s character in “Scarface” dabbled in drugs.

Such a deal
Have you followed this indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff? The guy is an Orthodox Jew. That means the only pigs he can touch are congressman.

Physicists say much of the universe is flowing backwards in time. Oh no, this is awful, please tell me I won’t have to wear a Members Only jacket again.

How could she?
An eccentric rich Israeli woman married her pet dolphin. Her mother is furious, the dolphin isn’t a doctor.  

Yes, I am proud of this one
“Narnia” surpassed “King Kong” at the box office. But don’t kid yourself, “Brokeback Mountain” is still packing the seats.

Don’t go to town, Tonto
They are calling “Brokeback Mountain” the first gay western. Hello? Let’s not forget The Lone Ranger and Tonto. Kemosabe is an Indian word meaning: Choreographer.