It all kinds of ghet

It all kinds of ghetto fabizzy up in this here humpty, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


That offensive, huh?
A movie theater in Utah cancelled a showing of “Brokeback Mountain” claiming it offended community standards; one Utah man said the gay cowboy movie was so offensive it upset all twenty of his wives.


“Brokeback Mountain” isn’t just a gay cowboy movie, it’s a touching love story where a man just couldn’t leave the other behind.


Did you hear they are going to make an Italian version of “Brokeback Mountain” It is very subtle, at least I think that’s what the Italians meant when they say it will have a lot of innuendo.


Poor Ahhhhnuld
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was treated for fifteen stitches in his lip after he was involved in a low speed motorcycle accident. It was the worst shot to the face Arnold’s received since he saw the reviews for “Kindergarten Cop.”

The weirdest thing about this? After Arnold’s lip was injured, he could suddenly talk clearly.

How warm is it?
It’s been unseasonably warm in New York. It was so warm even the Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning got hot for a while.


Giant loss
You could tell the New York Giants would get shut out in their playoff loss to the Carolina Panthers. Their tight end, Jeremy Shockey, used to date Paris Hilton and he couldn’t score either.  


It was a bad week for Eli Manning, he made a pass at Paris Hilton and it was intercepted.


Quite an image
Postage stamps have gone up two cents to 39 cents. The first new stamp features a Hollywood and current events scene: a giant ape bribing a congressman with a gay cowboy.


VP check
Dick Cheney was hospitalized for shortness of breath; Cheney is OK, he was just winded from explaining what a Supreme Court Judge is to President Bush.


Not nice at all
An investigative panel revealed that South Korean researcher Hwang Woo-Suk faked his cloning research. Even still, I though it was mean how they confronted him: They said “Hwang Woo-Suk? Dang, you suck.”


Who is surprised by this? Everyone knows King Clone gets it in the end.  


That’s a latte explosives. Get it? A latte of explosives? Oh, I kill all right
A bomb was discovered in a San Francisco Starbucks; the bomb was easily defused, the police showed the bomb the Starbucks drink prices and the bomb became incredulous and stormed out  


It was a serious bomb, it would have blown everything as sky high as the prices.


Hate to hear that but that doesn’t mean I won’t pile on
In sad news, two-time Oscar winner Hillary Swank and her husband Chad Lowe are getting divorced. The couple is citing irreconcilable career differences.


Two-time Oscar winner Hillary Swank and her husband Chad Lowe are getting divorced. Things haven’t been the same for the couple since the night she was awarded her second Oscar for “Million Dollar Baby” and he was awarded his second “Starbucks Employee of the Month.”


See above
Divorcing couple Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are selling the house made famous in “Newlyweds.” When asked if the proceeds will be split equitably, Jessica said; “No, we’ll just divide it up 50-50.”


How does that happen?
Michael Jackson said he wants to move to Berlin, Germany because he “fell in love with the city.” Amazingly, somehow Jackson mistook Berlin for a ten-year-old boy.


Eh, Jose?
Canada joined Spain as the only two countries to allow gay marriage. In fact, Spain is going on a fishing trip with Canada but they ain’t doin’ any fishing.


Uh, no honey, that’s not what, oh forget it
Divorcing couple Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are selling the house made famous in “Newlyweds.” When asked if she was going to be celibate or promiscuous when single, Jessica said; “I’m going to stay a Baptist.”

That does not Bode well
After telling “Sixty Minutes” he once ski raced drunk and would do it again, gold medal favorite Bode Miller may be kicked off the US ski team. The coach said Miller has been contentious, difficult, broke training rules and may be ejected prior to the Olympics. On the bright side, he could get Terrell Owens as a roommate.  

After telling “Sixty Minutes” he once ski raced drunk and would do it again, gold medal favorite Bode Miller may be kicked off the US ski team. Insiders say Miller is trying to market himself as a rebel. The word rebel dates back to the Civil War as a nickname for someone in a rebellion. Today the word rebel is meant to describe a renegade but it is actually more synonymous with another word: A-Hole.