This just in with an assist from sister and brother O'Snake

A Discovery astronaut removed gap filler fabric from the belly of the Space Shuttle thus officially making this mission the world’s most expensive queer makeover.


We loves us some A.C. up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

So utterly mean
Britain’s Committee on Advertising says that liquor ads are too sexy and that they should feature unattractive middle-aged men like, well, Camilla Parker Bowles.

Come on and spill the beans, fellers
Today President Bush talked via satellite hook-up to the Space Shuttle astronauts today and said, “Thank you for being risk-takers for the sake of exploration.” Bush then went on to add; “Now, seriously, how do you go potty in them there suits?”

That explains it
It’s been reported that in 2000 Osama Bin Laden attempted to poison a huge batch of cocaine going to the United States. Apparently Osama hates techno dance music as much as the rest of us.

Woke up this morning, all that love had gone
In New Jersey, legislators are trying to pass a bill that would ban smoking while driving a car. With the notable exception of Tony Soprano in the intro to his HBO show “The Sopranos.”

Dumb joke warning
Sadly, Saudi Arabia’s King Fahd was buried in Riyadh. Why? Because he’s dehad.

Yeah, 'cause that’s what we need
The Oliver Stone bomb “Alexander” is out on DVD featuring additional footage. Because that’s what we really need right now is more of the movie “Alexander.” We need more “Alexander” like Kirstie Alley needs more fudge.

T.O. is loco
“The Washington Post” headline read “Eagles President Says Owens is Committed.” The article then said Terrill Owens will practice with the Eagles during renegotiations. When I first read that Owens was committed I thought, finally, T.O. is going to get the mental care he so deeply needs.

“The Washington Post” headline read “Eagles President Says Owens is Committed.” Turns out they meant Owens is sticking with the Eagles, I thought he was being committed institutionally. An easy mistake about someone who said; “I loves me some me.”

How hot is it?
It is still hot back east. In Times Square the perverts are applying SPF 50 before they flash.

It is hot back east. For an extra $50, the hookers in Times Square are now offering fan jobs.

Ewww
There is a kids science fair touring that features disgusting human bodily functions like body odor and all disgusting aspects of digestion, called Grossology. It was initially conceived by Michael Moore’s personal maid.

I would like to introduce a new feature all the good people here at a.L.b.b. like to call:

Whose daughter is this again?

Today is Miss Ann Caroline Kaseberg’s seventh birthday. Thank you.

Last week, our good friend Stacy – who has known my wife Virginia since high school in Grand Junction, Colorado – came over when I was grilling my, if I do say so, killer bacon avocado cheese burgers. When I offered Stacy a juicy burger she was crestfallen saying she had just eaten some crappy leftover stuff for dinner. No problem, I told her I would make it for her some other time.

Last night, when I asked Ann Caroline what she wanted for dinner on her birthday, she said;

“Stacy’s coming for dinner so let’s make hamburgers ‘cause she didn’t get one last time.”

Sweet, cute and thoughtful. Whose daughter is this again?

Is it just me?
Am I losing my mind? Is my brain so fried and shot that I am losing it already?

For example, when I am writing away in a true frenzy, I will get a thought that I should look up a word in the online dictionary or Google something or check a news story on MSNBC or update the blog, anything else really, so I click on the home page, it pops up quickly thanks to our cable connection. Then I click on my saved “Favorites” which, admittedly is rather lengthy, I start to scroll down and then it happens: I see something shiny and totally forget what the hell I wanted to do in the first place. One of the favorites hits me as suddenly interesting and I lose whatever thought was in my stupid head.

So then I go back to the document I am working on, run into the word or story I went to research in the first place, think Oh, yeah, I was going to check on that, and the process starts all over again. This can cycle three or four times in a row.

In the words of Forrest Gump; “I’m not a smart man.”

Since you asked:

You know how I told you how my TiVo thinks I’m gay? That isn’t always a bad thing. It taped an episode of the “Ellen Degeneris Show” and it is funny. As I am watching it, Ann Caroline says;

“She sounds a lot like Dory from “Finding Nemo.”

Sniff. That’s my girl.