How you livin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
Goal met
President Bush had his physical and his heart rate has gone down from 52 to 47. So, congratulations, the President finally met his goal of getting his heart rate below his I.Q.
Poor guy
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him. I would like to think we have evolved enough not to joke about a football player having human emotions. I would like to think that but it’s simply not true: what a baby. Did da widdle football player get his feewings hurted? Awww. Suck it up and hit someone, Slappy.
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him. Was he crying? There’s no crying in Football. Jack Youngblood once played a game with a broken leg, did he cry? No. Why? BECAUSE THERE’S NO CRYING IN FOOTBALL.
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; well there goes his Ram “Tough” monster truck endorsement.
Miami Dolphin rookie Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; still don’t think our society is getting soft? Johnny Unitas once packed mud into his gums to stop the bleeding after all of his front teeth got knocked out. And this guy needed some alone time for his emotional issues?
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; and Miami Dolphin Ricky Williams also left practice crying. Not because the coach yelled at him, he found out his dealer left town for the month.
It adds up
Over the weekend they auctioned a real Star Wars light saber for $200,000. Don’t laugh, those Star Wars fans have lots of money. Think of all the money they save from never going on a date.
Saw this one coming
Scientists have discovered a tenth planet in our solar system. It’s called Ruben Stoddard.
Bright-eyed and Bush’s tail
President Bush passed his physical with flying colors. Accept for one thing, when the doctor asked Bush to turn his head to the left and cough, he could only turn his head to the right.
President Bush passed his physical with flying colors but there was one odd thing. The doctor discovered Bush doesn’t have a left testicle, he has two right ones.
Good news, bad news
Baltimore Orioles slugger and Viagra spokesperson Rafael Palmiero tested positive for steroids. The bad news for Palmiero? Without steroids his muscles will shrink. The good news? With Viagra, one muscle will look a lot bigger by comparison.
That’s bad
According to the latest police information shootings in New York are up 70%. It is so bad the taxi drivers have switched to their camouflage turbans.
According to the latest police information shootings in New York are up 70%. It’s so bad that tourists have to try and decide if they want to dive down on the floor of the cab for cover or just take the bullet.
Don’t complain
At the Buick Open in Michigan, after sinking a long putt, Tiger Woods made a; “I can’t hear you” gesture to “see how loud the drunk guys could get.” Hey, Tiger should not knock excessive alcohol consumption. How else do you think he got a Swedish bikini model to marry him?
Stupid question
Now that Lance has won his seventh Tour de France, here is my question: If, due to construction, Lance had to take an alternate route, would that be called the Detour de France?
No, not really
It has been a hot summer back east. In Pennsylvania, even the Amish are saying: “Screw this, thou art getting an air conditioner.”
For J.H. downunder
Barry Bonds said he is out of Major League Baseball for the rest of the year. He won’t join the San Francisco Giants until next year, so there is still no word on when he will return to Major League Baseball.
Goal met
President Bush had his physical and his heart rate has gone down from 52 to 47. So, congratulations, the President finally met his goal of getting his heart rate below his I.Q.
Poor guy
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him. I would like to think we have evolved enough not to joke about a football player having human emotions. I would like to think that but it’s simply not true: what a baby. Did da widdle football player get his feewings hurted? Awww. Suck it up and hit someone, Slappy.
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him. Was he crying? There’s no crying in Football. Jack Youngblood once played a game with a broken leg, did he cry? No. Why? BECAUSE THERE’S NO CRYING IN FOOTBALL.
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; well there goes his Ram “Tough” monster truck endorsement.
Miami Dolphin rookie Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; still don’t think our society is getting soft? Johnny Unitas once packed mud into his gums to stop the bleeding after all of his front teeth got knocked out. And this guy needed some alone time for his emotional issues?
Miami Dolphin rookie tackle Manuel Wright left practice crying after the coach yelled at him; and Miami Dolphin Ricky Williams also left practice crying. Not because the coach yelled at him, he found out his dealer left town for the month.
It adds up
Over the weekend they auctioned a real Star Wars light saber for $200,000. Don’t laugh, those Star Wars fans have lots of money. Think of all the money they save from never going on a date.
Saw this one coming
Scientists have discovered a tenth planet in our solar system. It’s called Ruben Stoddard.
Bright-eyed and Bush’s tail
President Bush passed his physical with flying colors. Accept for one thing, when the doctor asked Bush to turn his head to the left and cough, he could only turn his head to the right.
President Bush passed his physical with flying colors but there was one odd thing. The doctor discovered Bush doesn’t have a left testicle, he has two right ones.
Good news, bad news
Baltimore Orioles slugger and Viagra spokesperson Rafael Palmiero tested positive for steroids. The bad news for Palmiero? Without steroids his muscles will shrink. The good news? With Viagra, one muscle will look a lot bigger by comparison.
That’s bad
According to the latest police information shootings in New York are up 70%. It is so bad the taxi drivers have switched to their camouflage turbans.
According to the latest police information shootings in New York are up 70%. It’s so bad that tourists have to try and decide if they want to dive down on the floor of the cab for cover or just take the bullet.
Don’t complain
At the Buick Open in Michigan, after sinking a long putt, Tiger Woods made a; “I can’t hear you” gesture to “see how loud the drunk guys could get.” Hey, Tiger should not knock excessive alcohol consumption. How else do you think he got a Swedish bikini model to marry him?
Stupid question
Now that Lance has won his seventh Tour de France, here is my question: If, due to construction, Lance had to take an alternate route, would that be called the Detour de France?
No, not really
It has been a hot summer back east. In Pennsylvania, even the Amish are saying: “Screw this, thou art getting an air conditioner.”
For J.H. downunder
Barry Bonds said he is out of Major League Baseball for the rest of the year. He won’t join the San Francisco Giants until next year, so there is still no word on when he will return to Major League Baseball.
posted by Alex at
9:00 AM
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