These just in:
Los Angeles has elected a Hispanic mayor, Antonio Vallaraigosa. It’s really cool for all of those Los Angeles residents who ever dreamed of living in a foreign country, well, now they do.
The best part of this Mayoral election result? I can hardly wait to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger try and pronounce Antonio Vallaraigosa.
Another thing that surprised me about “Star Wars III”? The cameo appearance by Camilla Parker Bowles as the evil Emperor Palpatine.
Either you wit' 'dat or you ain’t wit' 'dat, ah-ite, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
“A.I.”
“American Idol” Paula Abdul’s judge’s choice song for Bo Bice was the Stones’; “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” Paula has desperately wanted a hear “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” ever since she tried to sleep with Clay Aikens.
Paula Abdul told Bo he “was a gift on the inside.” So apparently yet another contestant got inside Paula Abdul.
Today “Newsweek” apologized to the Middle East for “American Idol” judge’s Simon Cowell’s rude crankiness directed to a person surnamed Abdul.
On “American Idol” contestant Bo Bice had to sing the Rolling Stones “Satisfaction.” That’s not fair, is it? Asking an amateur to sing a Stones song would be like asking President Bush to read the entire “Newsweek” Koran-desecration article.
Bio-diesel? Isn’t he on “American Idol?”
At a Bio-diesel plant in Richmond Virginia, President Bush spoke in favor of alternative fuel. Bush went on to say there are many alternative fuels: Regular, Unleaded, Premium.
Not clear on the concept
It was awkward when they first told President Bush about the Koran desecration article in “Newsweek.” Bush said; “Ahh, that’s nice. I once called a radio station and desecrated a song to Laura.”
Today across the Middle East thousands of people angrily rioted apparently upset because “Newsweek” did not include “pretty please” in their beg for forgiveness over the mistaken Koran story.
Tomorrow there are more plans for angry rioting against the U.S. in the Middle East with the reason to be named later.
And today, chef Emerill Lagase apologized to the Middle East for desecrating the Coriander.
Channeling for Florida
Yesterday was the vote for the mayor of Los Angeles. We’re not sure who won, they haven’t finished counting all thirty votes.
This has to be the only town where more people have written movie treatments then voted for mayor.
Lend a hand
A survey in “Playboy” says that 60% of men would never think about cheating on their partner. Let’s give those guys a hand. After all, they give themselves a hand.
With the Sith
The big “Star Wars III” opening is tomorrow. The good news is that, for at least a couple days, nobody has to worry about getting their computer hacked.
With all of the devout Star Wars fans in line at the opening this is going to be a long, lonely night for a number of beautiful sexy women. Of course that number happens to be zero.
Dumb . . . dumb . . . dumb . . . dumb, dumb, dumb, dumbdumbdumbdumb
In “Men’s Journal” “Jaws” author Peter Benchley wrote an impassioned plea to protect against the killing of sharks. That’s like O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake teaming to become marriage counselors.
In “Men’s Journal” “Jaws” author Peter Benchley wrote an impassioned plea to protect against the killing of sharks. That’s like Bill Gates promoting the Amish lifestyle.
Back with the Sith
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. I thought it was a little surprising; especially that scene where Paris Hilton gets a spike through her head.
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. It was good, especially that scene where Darth Vadar goes wine tasting in Santa Barbara and ends up running naked to his hotel room.
I didn’t know this, but apparently you can catch the Sith from drinking at public drinking fountains.
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. To be honest, I was a little disappointed with all the outtakes from “Gigli.”
It’s about time
CBS has a new show in the fall; “CSI: Los Angeles.” It’s great. And for a bonus, you can call in and win a prize if you pick which specific freeway the investigated shooting occurred.
Welcome to Los Angeles, now take cover
There have been a rash of shooting on the Los Angeles freeways. Apparently people are upset about a report in “Newsweek” about interrogators desecrating a copy of a “Desperate Housewives” script.
Back again with the Sith
Boy, if you thought one movie wouldn’t stoop to product placements, it would be “Star Wars III”, but sure enough, there he was: Subway Sandwiches’ Jared the Jedi.
Since you asked:
My dolphins-breaching-kites-flying-daughter-building-sand-castles, eye-talian-opera -playing "Since You Asked" was way too sappy, so it is time to bring back some of the nasty up in here.
Yes, Slatteens and Nuggies, we alleged comedy writers are hyper sensitive and testy when it comes to our jokes.
So let me know if I was out of line here. Although the vast majority of comments I’ve received have been positive – probably because the folks who don’t like the jokes don’t want to bother to comment – and yet, someone actually took the time to e-mail me this gem:
“I’m confused. You say this is a comedy blog and yet there is no actual comedy anywhere in these jokes. Why is that?”
Was I out of line to reply like this?
Thanks for taking the time to ask, I’m sure it was meant to be constructive.
Yes, actually, there is a very good reason why you don’t see the comedy in this blog and that is that I am specifically adapting this material for a totally different demographic than your demographic: Humorless snooty A-holes with way too much time on their hands.
You see, my experience has been that people who don’t have a sense of humor can’t actually appreciate, oh, say for example, something like comedy. Their preference is to masturbate to donkey porn all day and send pissy, annoying e-mails like the tools that they are.
But that might just be silly ol’ me. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
Just spreading the love, S’s and R’s, just spreading the love.
Seriously, I can take constructive criticism or comments and suggestions. No, really, I can.
lexkase@san.rr.com
Let’s wash the unpleasantness of that last e-mail with a round of:
Lex Answers Reader's Mail
My Dearest Sir Lex:
Why? Why? Oh, why so nasty towards the Royals such as Camilla and Charles? Do you have some horrible childhood memory at the hands of Monarchy?
Signed,
Fergie
Dear Ferg:
Why yes, as I matter of fact I do. As a child I once accidentally wandered into the Neverland Ranch, and as, Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, well, I don’t want to talk about it.
Los Angeles has elected a Hispanic mayor, Antonio Vallaraigosa. It’s really cool for all of those Los Angeles residents who ever dreamed of living in a foreign country, well, now they do.
The best part of this Mayoral election result? I can hardly wait to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger try and pronounce Antonio Vallaraigosa.
Another thing that surprised me about “Star Wars III”? The cameo appearance by Camilla Parker Bowles as the evil Emperor Palpatine.
Either you wit' 'dat or you ain’t wit' 'dat, ah-ite, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
“A.I.”
“American Idol” Paula Abdul’s judge’s choice song for Bo Bice was the Stones’; “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” Paula has desperately wanted a hear “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” ever since she tried to sleep with Clay Aikens.
Paula Abdul told Bo he “was a gift on the inside.” So apparently yet another contestant got inside Paula Abdul.
Today “Newsweek” apologized to the Middle East for “American Idol” judge’s Simon Cowell’s rude crankiness directed to a person surnamed Abdul.
On “American Idol” contestant Bo Bice had to sing the Rolling Stones “Satisfaction.” That’s not fair, is it? Asking an amateur to sing a Stones song would be like asking President Bush to read the entire “Newsweek” Koran-desecration article.
Bio-diesel? Isn’t he on “American Idol?”
At a Bio-diesel plant in Richmond Virginia, President Bush spoke in favor of alternative fuel. Bush went on to say there are many alternative fuels: Regular, Unleaded, Premium.
Not clear on the concept
It was awkward when they first told President Bush about the Koran desecration article in “Newsweek.” Bush said; “Ahh, that’s nice. I once called a radio station and desecrated a song to Laura.”
Today across the Middle East thousands of people angrily rioted apparently upset because “Newsweek” did not include “pretty please” in their beg for forgiveness over the mistaken Koran story.
Tomorrow there are more plans for angry rioting against the U.S. in the Middle East with the reason to be named later.
And today, chef Emerill Lagase apologized to the Middle East for desecrating the Coriander.
Channeling for Florida
Yesterday was the vote for the mayor of Los Angeles. We’re not sure who won, they haven’t finished counting all thirty votes.
This has to be the only town where more people have written movie treatments then voted for mayor.
Lend a hand
A survey in “Playboy” says that 60% of men would never think about cheating on their partner. Let’s give those guys a hand. After all, they give themselves a hand.
With the Sith
The big “Star Wars III” opening is tomorrow. The good news is that, for at least a couple days, nobody has to worry about getting their computer hacked.
With all of the devout Star Wars fans in line at the opening this is going to be a long, lonely night for a number of beautiful sexy women. Of course that number happens to be zero.
Dumb . . . dumb . . . dumb . . . dumb, dumb, dumb, dumbdumbdumbdumb
In “Men’s Journal” “Jaws” author Peter Benchley wrote an impassioned plea to protect against the killing of sharks. That’s like O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake teaming to become marriage counselors.
In “Men’s Journal” “Jaws” author Peter Benchley wrote an impassioned plea to protect against the killing of sharks. That’s like Bill Gates promoting the Amish lifestyle.
Back with the Sith
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. I thought it was a little surprising; especially that scene where Paris Hilton gets a spike through her head.
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. It was good, especially that scene where Darth Vadar goes wine tasting in Santa Barbara and ends up running naked to his hotel room.
I didn’t know this, but apparently you can catch the Sith from drinking at public drinking fountains.
We got to see a preview of “Star Wars III”. To be honest, I was a little disappointed with all the outtakes from “Gigli.”
It’s about time
CBS has a new show in the fall; “CSI: Los Angeles.” It’s great. And for a bonus, you can call in and win a prize if you pick which specific freeway the investigated shooting occurred.
Welcome to Los Angeles, now take cover
There have been a rash of shooting on the Los Angeles freeways. Apparently people are upset about a report in “Newsweek” about interrogators desecrating a copy of a “Desperate Housewives” script.
Back again with the Sith
Boy, if you thought one movie wouldn’t stoop to product placements, it would be “Star Wars III”, but sure enough, there he was: Subway Sandwiches’ Jared the Jedi.
Since you asked:
My dolphins-breaching-kites-flying-daughter-building-sand-castles, eye-talian-opera -playing "Since You Asked" was way too sappy, so it is time to bring back some of the nasty up in here.
Yes, Slatteens and Nuggies, we alleged comedy writers are hyper sensitive and testy when it comes to our jokes.
So let me know if I was out of line here. Although the vast majority of comments I’ve received have been positive – probably because the folks who don’t like the jokes don’t want to bother to comment – and yet, someone actually took the time to e-mail me this gem:
“I’m confused. You say this is a comedy blog and yet there is no actual comedy anywhere in these jokes. Why is that?”
Was I out of line to reply like this?
Thanks for taking the time to ask, I’m sure it was meant to be constructive.
Yes, actually, there is a very good reason why you don’t see the comedy in this blog and that is that I am specifically adapting this material for a totally different demographic than your demographic: Humorless snooty A-holes with way too much time on their hands.
You see, my experience has been that people who don’t have a sense of humor can’t actually appreciate, oh, say for example, something like comedy. Their preference is to masturbate to donkey porn all day and send pissy, annoying e-mails like the tools that they are.
But that might just be silly ol’ me. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
Just spreading the love, S’s and R’s, just spreading the love.
Seriously, I can take constructive criticism or comments and suggestions. No, really, I can.
lexkase@san.rr.com
Let’s wash the unpleasantness of that last e-mail with a round of:
Lex Answers Reader's Mail
My Dearest Sir Lex:
Why? Why? Oh, why so nasty towards the Royals such as Camilla and Charles? Do you have some horrible childhood memory at the hands of Monarchy?
Signed,
Fergie
Dear Ferg:
Why yes, as I matter of fact I do. As a child I once accidentally wandered into the Neverland Ranch, and as, Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, well, I don’t want to talk about it.
posted by Alex at
11:43 AM
<< Home