It’s all about the all about up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How . .. cold . . . was it?
Man it has been cold. Last night I was shaking like Scott Petterson will be on Valentines Day in prison.
Not buying it
Fox’s “Who’s Your Daddy?” was a rating flop because it just wasn’t believable. This girl had to guess which of the eight guys was her father and not one single one of them was an NBA player.
Fox’s “Who’s Your Daddy?” was a huge ratings flop. Imagine how bad it would have been if Fox had used their first idea for the name of the show: “Who Nailed Mommy?”
Eww, too bad
Miami Heat star Shaquille O’Neal was honored with performing the Orange Bowl opening coin toss. Embarrassingly, Shaq tried to toss the coin like a free throw and he missed the entire field.
That bad, huh?
In the Orange Bowl U.S.C. destroyed Oklahoma 55-19. How bad was it? To put it in Oklahoma terms, the Trojans treated Sooners like a tornado treats a trailer park.
For one, Paris Hilton was not surprised USC trounced Oklahoma. Paris said she much prefers guys who use Trojans over guys who are “Sooners.”
In an interview in “Newsweek” John Kerry said he didn’t lose the election, he just didn’t win it. And today the Oklahoma Sooners said they didn’t lose the Orange Bowl, they just didn’t win it by 36 points.
Today Scott Peterson said; “I didn’t kill my wife, I just didn’t not murder her.”
Loosen up Ryno baby
Chicago Cubs Ryne Sandburg was voted into the baseball Hall of Fame. Sandberg’s induction speech will be a snooze-fest. Now, I don’t want to say Ryno is a tad stiff, but Sandburg makes John Kerry look like Howard Dean.
Call now
Heidi Klum is engaged to singer Seal. For all you guys distraught over this information, there is a hotline to call: 1-800-Oh-Pleez.
That’s nice
Revealed-lip-syncher Ashlee Simpson was loudly booed after her painfully too-live performance at the Orange Bowl halftime. Ashlee performed so badly at the Orange Bowl she was named an honorary member of the Oklahoma Sooner football team.
Afterwards, Ashlee Simpson blamed her poor performance on the fact that her Father picked the wrong vocal cords for her.
Since you asked:
We have a “friend” that is a no-inhale talker. Have you ever seen this? This woman can talk so much and so fast and so long without seemingly ever taking a breath. It’s amazing. As a harmonica player, I would love to know how she does it. Is it some Jedi nose-breathing technique? Granted, based on what she has to say, she doesn’t need much oxygen going to her brain, but still, assuming she is human and doesn’t rip off her rubber face to reveal she’s an alien, she has to breathe, right?
You say hello and she is off.
No-inhale Talker: “Oh, hi, yes, I called Virginia and we talked about what (now she is really gathering steam) we’re going to do Thursday night and we agreed that it would be best to take the kids to the mall because now the crowds are smaller (Now you can’t listen to what she is saying because you are waiting for her to inhale, but it never comes) and it won’t be as nuts as it was last week when it was unbelievable . . . (like a runaway train down the Sierras, she just picks up steam)
Everyonewassopushyanditwasnutssothekidsneverreallygottolookaroundsowethoughtwe’dgoabout
sevenifthat’sOKwithyouandthenyoucouldmeetusthereandDanwillcomeanditwillbegreat. So what do you think?”
All of a sudden she comes to a screeching halt and you know she’s asked you a question and you have no idea what it is. And you can’t say “Fine” because she might be asking you to watch her likewise no-inhale-talking kids.
How . .. cold . . . was it?
Man it has been cold. Last night I was shaking like Scott Petterson will be on Valentines Day in prison.
Not buying it
Fox’s “Who’s Your Daddy?” was a rating flop because it just wasn’t believable. This girl had to guess which of the eight guys was her father and not one single one of them was an NBA player.
Fox’s “Who’s Your Daddy?” was a huge ratings flop. Imagine how bad it would have been if Fox had used their first idea for the name of the show: “Who Nailed Mommy?”
Eww, too bad
Miami Heat star Shaquille O’Neal was honored with performing the Orange Bowl opening coin toss. Embarrassingly, Shaq tried to toss the coin like a free throw and he missed the entire field.
That bad, huh?
In the Orange Bowl U.S.C. destroyed Oklahoma 55-19. How bad was it? To put it in Oklahoma terms, the Trojans treated Sooners like a tornado treats a trailer park.
For one, Paris Hilton was not surprised USC trounced Oklahoma. Paris said she much prefers guys who use Trojans over guys who are “Sooners.”
In an interview in “Newsweek” John Kerry said he didn’t lose the election, he just didn’t win it. And today the Oklahoma Sooners said they didn’t lose the Orange Bowl, they just didn’t win it by 36 points.
Today Scott Peterson said; “I didn’t kill my wife, I just didn’t not murder her.”
Loosen up Ryno baby
Chicago Cubs Ryne Sandburg was voted into the baseball Hall of Fame. Sandberg’s induction speech will be a snooze-fest. Now, I don’t want to say Ryno is a tad stiff, but Sandburg makes John Kerry look like Howard Dean.
Call now
Heidi Klum is engaged to singer Seal. For all you guys distraught over this information, there is a hotline to call: 1-800-Oh-Pleez.
That’s nice
Revealed-lip-syncher Ashlee Simpson was loudly booed after her painfully too-live performance at the Orange Bowl halftime. Ashlee performed so badly at the Orange Bowl she was named an honorary member of the Oklahoma Sooner football team.
Afterwards, Ashlee Simpson blamed her poor performance on the fact that her Father picked the wrong vocal cords for her.
Since you asked:
We have a “friend” that is a no-inhale talker. Have you ever seen this? This woman can talk so much and so fast and so long without seemingly ever taking a breath. It’s amazing. As a harmonica player, I would love to know how she does it. Is it some Jedi nose-breathing technique? Granted, based on what she has to say, she doesn’t need much oxygen going to her brain, but still, assuming she is human and doesn’t rip off her rubber face to reveal she’s an alien, she has to breathe, right?
You say hello and she is off.
No-inhale Talker: “Oh, hi, yes, I called Virginia and we talked about what (now she is really gathering steam) we’re going to do Thursday night and we agreed that it would be best to take the kids to the mall because now the crowds are smaller (Now you can’t listen to what she is saying because you are waiting for her to inhale, but it never comes) and it won’t be as nuts as it was last week when it was unbelievable . . . (like a runaway train down the Sierras, she just picks up steam)
Everyonewassopushyanditwasnutssothekidsneverreallygottolookaroundsowethoughtwe’dgoabout
sevenifthat’sOKwithyouandthenyoucouldmeetusthereandDanwillcomeanditwillbegreat. So what do you think?”
All of a sudden she comes to a screeching halt and you know she’s asked you a question and you have no idea what it is. And you can’t say “Fine” because she might be asking you to watch her likewise no-inhale-talking kids.
posted by Alex at
11:42 AM
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