They best better step off or they gonna get played, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Odd couples
In the Orange Bowl U.S.C. meets Oklahoma. That’s quite a diverse group of fans. It’s like a Kenny-G concert at a NASCAR race.

BAd timing
A judge ruled that Anna Nicole Smith gets none of her husband’s $88.5 million. Boy did she pick the wrong time to get skinny.

Now that's rain
It has been pouring in Southern California. In Hollywood, it was raining so hard, it actually washed people into a theater showing the movie “Alexander.”

Thanks for the mental image, Lex
Donald Trump is coming out with a line of hair care products. That’s like Michael Moore coming out with his own line of thong underwear.

OK, here is what you do . . .
In Britain’s “The Sun” newspaper, “Desperate Housewives” sex kitten Teri Hatcher claims she hasn’t had sex in four years. Poor thing. Here’s a suggestion, Teri. If you want to have sex, walk into any bar in the U.S. point to any man and say; “You’ll do.” Problem solved.

Not to be redundant or to repeat myself . . .
The Anaheim Angels have changed their name to the Los Angeles Angels. Los Angeles means the Angels in Spanish. So that makes them the Angels Angels. Calling the department of redundancy department.

Good move
The Anaheim Angels have changed their name to the Los Angeles Angels. They changed the name to try and attract a wider fan base. In a related story, the Arizona Diamondbacks changed their name to the Everything West of the Mississippi Diamondbacks.

People in Anaheim are incensed by their team’s name change. Anaheim and Los Angeles are different. The closest Anaheim has had to a gang war was one report of a drive-bye honking.

Lighten up, Rummy
Although it has quieted down, controversy about Def. Sec. Donald Rumsfeld continues. Rumsfeld could help his cause if he would lighten up. Rummy always has that expression of somebody either desperately trying to pass gas, or who suspects that somebody else has.

This is from earlier this week

Oh yes, it gonna be like that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Serious shaking going on
We had quite a storm here in Southern California. Last night I was shaking like the recently un-inherited Anna Nicole Smith trying to cash a two-party check at Wal Mart.

Poor Anna, and this time we really mean it
A U.S. appeals court has overturned a lower court's decision to give Anna Nicole Smith $88.5 million of her late billionaire husband's fortune. A spokesperson for Anna Nicole Smith said; “Anyone need to hire a spokesperson?”

That sound you just heard was the screeching tires of the lawyers, accountants, chefs, gardeners, maids, personal trainers and personal assistants fleeing the Anna Nicole Smith estate.

I sure hope Anna Nicole Smith had a good 2004 because it sure looks like she is going to spend 2005 saying; “Welcome to Hooters, enjoy happy hour.”

I hope she Freys as well
The mistress of Scott Peterson, Amanda Frey, called a press conference to announce she merely wants her privacy back. Oh, and also that she is coming out with a tell-all book and will go on a promotional book tour. And nothing says privacy like touring the talk shows to promote a book.

I’m not sure, but I think the name of Amber Frey’s book is “I’m cashing in on the murder of my lover’s wife and afterwards I’m going to hell for all of eternity.”

Guys, rule of thumb. Before you murder your pregnant, sweet, lovable and kind wife for another woman, make sure that woman isn't a golddigging greedy whore. OK?

Leaving the double murder out of it, Peterson should fry just for being so stupid.