Friday, August 27, 2004

Oh, so it’s gonna be that way, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

What would you say?
Illinois authorities are debating whether to press charges against the Dave Mathew’s band tour bus for dumping human waste through a bridge’s grating onto a tourist boat. In addition, the bus could also face the lesser charge of imitating “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell.

Can you imagine? There you are minding your own business and then 800 pounds of human waste comes raining down on you. It’s sort of like going to a Madonna film festival.

Not a good look
*The U.S. Women’s soccer team won the gold medal for the fab Five, Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy and Joy Fawcett, Kristine Lilly and Brandi Chastain, who have been playing since ’91. I don’t want to say the gals are getting older, but if Brandi Chastain wanted to flash her breasts after a goal, she’d have to take off her shorts.

The stands were nearly empty during the women Olympic gold medal soccer match. See what happens when you don’t allow the girls to pull off their jerseys?

Not quite the same
In a retiring-from-wrestling tradition, Bronze medal winner Rulon Gardner left his wrestling shoes at the center ring of the mat. And in a new Olympic tradition, after losing to Argentina, the U.S. men’s basketball team left their pride at center court.

As I said:
The U.S. Women’s soccer team won the gold medal for the fab Five, Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy and Joy Fawcett, Kristine Lilly and Brandi Chastain, who have been playing since ’91.

Here are some signs the soccer "Babe City" girls are getting older.

Their Granny underwear starting to poke out of soccer shorts

Flashing after a goal replaced with hot flashing after a goal

Entire team tested positive for Metamucil

Team meetings consists primarily of complaining about their children not calling enough

Practice cut short to watch “Matlock” reruns.

They repeatedly have to ask what the score is in those exciting 1-0 games

Instead of Gatorade, after wins, they drench their coach with Ensure.

And the final sign the U.S. Women’s soccer team is getting older:

Instead of heading the ball, they just want to cuddle.