We on it like you read about it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Or something like that
*A radical cleric, Moqtada al-Sadr, resumed his fight against U.S. forces this week in Iraq. Al-Sadr is a head Shi’ite leader, or, as he is referred to by our military: a real Shi’ite head.

Nice work if you can get it
*Derby and Preakness winner Smarty Jones has retired from racing and will stand in stud at Three Chimneys farm in Kentucky. Man, wouldn’t you love to have that on your resume:

“ And after college, I stood at stud for five years . . .”

Nightmare Team
*Our NBA-filled Olympic “Dream team” got spanked by the Italian Olympic team and barely beat a German team that didn’t even qualify for the Olympics. Maybe Allen Iverson might want to re-think that “we don’t need more practice, we need more tattoos” thing.

I don’t want to say our Olympic team isn’t playing well, but yesterday at practice, they held a shoot-around and lost.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but if Kobe Bryant had performed as badly as our Olympic basketball team, his wife Venessa would be getting another diamond ring.

Speaking of his Majesty
*Rumors are swirling around the Kobe Bryant trial that the accuser may drop the case; it’s looking good for Kobe, today he asked an assistant to dig up a certain diamond ring receipt.

If the Kobe Bryant case goes to trial, some people involved for the defense say Kobe Bryant wants to pass on testifying. This also marks the first time Kobe Bryant wanted to pass anything.

Prosecutors claim they have evidence in the Kobe Bryant case that would require Shaquille O’Neal to testify about a Florida party. However, judging from his free throw shooting, the defense isn’t sure that Shaq could hit the witness stand.

Fox in the hen house
*Republicans are worried that, if John Kerry got elected, John Edwards, a trial attorney, would preside over the senate lawmakers. That would be like hiring Bill Clinton to be a manager at a Hooters restaurant.

Since you asked:

Man, where has the summer gone? NFL training camps are open? Kids getting ready for school? Oh, and to you kids who are getting ready for school, speaking for those of us mature adults who don’t have to go school ever again: Neeeneer, neeener, neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeener.

There are two primary advantages of being a grown up, as I see it. One, you never, ever, have to eat anything you don’t want to, and, two, you don’t have to go back to school in the Fall. Sadly, however, that’s about it as far as the advantages of being-older-versus-youth thing goes.