Oh yes, there is a new sheriff in town. It's good to be back, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Stud fee
Derby and Preakness winner Smarty Jones has retired from racing and will stand in stud at Three Chimneys farm in Kentucky. Smarty Jones stud fees are estimated at around $100,000. That’s the most anyone has paid for sex since Kobe Bryant.
Smarty Jones stud fee is estimated at over $100,000. In a related story, Paris Hilton was seen making thirty trips to her ATM.
Now that's small
Both President Bush and Senator John Kerry campaigned in Davenport, Iowa. I don’t want to say that Davenport is a small town, but Kerry barely had enough room to change his mind and Bush actually learned the meaning of the word claustrophobic.
Can you say nightmare?
Our NBA-filled Olympic “Dream team” got spanked by Italy. If this is the dream team, it’s the dream where you’re late for a final exam and you’re not wearing any clothes.
Sounds familiar
In Chicago, cement is falling out of the upper decks at Wrigley Field. One chunk almost hurt a child, but luckily foul-ball-flubber Steve Bartman tried to catch it and knocked it away.
You have to hand it to them, when the Chicago Cubs start a collapse, they don’t kid around.
Since you asked
If a comedy club was run by the soulless robots at the Rite Aid pharmacy, you’d have to have a doctor call to make your reservation; you’d have to stand in line for twenty minutes, then the pharmacist would sit motionless blankly staring at the computer for ten minutes, only to finally tell you your jokes won’t be ready for twenty minutes and that they cost $100 and your insurance doesn’t cover them.
Rite Aid is the perfect storm that blends totally unskilled, under-paid, unmotivated labor with government-like sterility. It’s the D.M.V. of retail stores. They should take over Blockbuster.
Speaking of comedy clubs
If I owned a comedy club, each night a random audience member – in exchange for free drinks - would be picked out to perform five minutes. This would accomplish many things; it would add an air of nervous anticipation; it would shut up hecklers and give the audience an appreciation for the comedians.
When you go to a baseball game, everyone appreciates the player’s skills because they’ve tried to play baseball and know how hard it is. Most people admit they can’t tell a joke to save their lives. And that’s not a joke they created, it’s a joke they are simply trying to repeat. Let alone deliver that original joke into a loud microphone in front of a blindingly bright light and a pack of drunk strangers. And yet, EVERYONE who goes to a comedy club thinks they are as funny, or funnier, than the performers.
Even those soulless robots that work at Rite Aid and Blockbuster.
Yesterday, had the wonderful chance to experience two words that should never, ever, be used together: Oral surgery. Holy schnikies, that was unpleasant.
Stud fee
Derby and Preakness winner Smarty Jones has retired from racing and will stand in stud at Three Chimneys farm in Kentucky. Smarty Jones stud fees are estimated at around $100,000. That’s the most anyone has paid for sex since Kobe Bryant.
Smarty Jones stud fee is estimated at over $100,000. In a related story, Paris Hilton was seen making thirty trips to her ATM.
Now that's small
Both President Bush and Senator John Kerry campaigned in Davenport, Iowa. I don’t want to say that Davenport is a small town, but Kerry barely had enough room to change his mind and Bush actually learned the meaning of the word claustrophobic.
Can you say nightmare?
Our NBA-filled Olympic “Dream team” got spanked by Italy. If this is the dream team, it’s the dream where you’re late for a final exam and you’re not wearing any clothes.
Sounds familiar
In Chicago, cement is falling out of the upper decks at Wrigley Field. One chunk almost hurt a child, but luckily foul-ball-flubber Steve Bartman tried to catch it and knocked it away.
You have to hand it to them, when the Chicago Cubs start a collapse, they don’t kid around.
Since you asked
If a comedy club was run by the soulless robots at the Rite Aid pharmacy, you’d have to have a doctor call to make your reservation; you’d have to stand in line for twenty minutes, then the pharmacist would sit motionless blankly staring at the computer for ten minutes, only to finally tell you your jokes won’t be ready for twenty minutes and that they cost $100 and your insurance doesn’t cover them.
Rite Aid is the perfect storm that blends totally unskilled, under-paid, unmotivated labor with government-like sterility. It’s the D.M.V. of retail stores. They should take over Blockbuster.
Speaking of comedy clubs
If I owned a comedy club, each night a random audience member – in exchange for free drinks - would be picked out to perform five minutes. This would accomplish many things; it would add an air of nervous anticipation; it would shut up hecklers and give the audience an appreciation for the comedians.
When you go to a baseball game, everyone appreciates the player’s skills because they’ve tried to play baseball and know how hard it is. Most people admit they can’t tell a joke to save their lives. And that’s not a joke they created, it’s a joke they are simply trying to repeat. Let alone deliver that original joke into a loud microphone in front of a blindingly bright light and a pack of drunk strangers. And yet, EVERYONE who goes to a comedy club thinks they are as funny, or funnier, than the performers.
Even those soulless robots that work at Rite Aid and Blockbuster.
Yesterday, had the wonderful chance to experience two words that should never, ever, be used together: Oral surgery. Holy schnikies, that was unpleasant.
posted by Alex at
11:28 AM
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