Let’s give a holler to the play caller, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How windy was it?
Hurricane Charlie hit Florida with 145-mile-an-hour winds. To show you how strong that is, it actually blew people into a theater showing the movie “Cat Woman.”
Good for you
*Are you ready for the Olympics? Yes? Then you’re doing better than the city of Athens.
Weather updates
It has been hot. I’ve been sweating like an Athens, Greece building inspector; “Um, I guess that duct tape will hold until the Olympics are over.”
There were record low temperatures in the mid-west. It was so cold, people were shaking like they had to tell Rosie O’Donnell gay marriages are no longer legal.
Non bon
If recent events are an indication, our athletes will receive a loud, unfriendly, anti-American reception at the Olympics. How unfriendly and anti-American? The entire Olympic stadium could actually become honorary French citizens.
Kill them with kindness
*Last week John Kerry’s called for a more sensitive approach to terrorism. What is a more sensitive approach to terrorism? Well, for example, instead of referring to the cutting off of heads crassly as beheadings, we could use the more sensitive expression; “cranial liberation.”
How can we be more sensitive with terrorists? Well, instead of unfairly using the term suicide bombers, we could use the more empowering term of freelance combustibles.
Without the snorts
The winner of “The Last Comic Standing” was John Heffron. If you haven’t seen John, imagine a younger, better-looking, less annoying, and much quieter Bobcat Goldthwait.
Feeling better
*The band Van Halen is on tour with their second lead singer, Sammy Hagar. The first singer, avid Lee Roth? Diamond Dave is studying to become an emergency medical technician. Imagine being in emergency room and you look up and there is David Lee Roth?
“Come to think of it, David Lee, my heart attack isn’t so bad, I’ll be leaving. I think I’ll go jog.”
Too bad
*Some bad news for John Kerry and John Edwards; Gay marriages have been ruled not legal.
I know those dudes . . .
San Diego Padres rookie Khalil Green provided the winning run against the Chicago Cubs. Is it me, or does Khalil look exactly like Sean Penn’s stoned surfer character Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”?
“Just playing baseball and learning about Cuba.”
Since you asked:
Publicity addict and scary feminist attorney Gloria Allred is representing Amber Frey at the Scott Peterson trial. Allred currently has shattered the world record for angrily calling press conferences to announce her clients have no statement.
The few feminists I know are sensitive of the sometimes prickly public image of feminists; so why feminists allow the angry, shrill, and other-worldly litigious Allred to speak for them makes as much public relations sense as the Partnership for a Drug Free America naming Courtney Love their spokesperson.
On the other hand, they say if you have to have a lawyer - and for all of our sakes, let's hope you don't - then you want the meanest, nastiest, most-frightening, mouth-foaming pitt bull you can find. From that standpoint, maybe feminists did the right thing by picking Allred.
But Gloria sure is a sharp dresser. The red accentuates the fire in her coal black eyes.
The first time I ever saw Allred was during an old “Phil Donahue Show” where she was arguing in favor of gay marriage. My beloved cousin wanted to marry her partner, so I tuned in strongly in favor of gay marriage.
By the time Allred had finished screaming, spitting, screeching and spewing her vitriol, she was so off-putting, I turned it off newly undecided on gay marriage and very afraid of Gloria Allred. The expression; “I can’t hear you because you are too loud” doesn’t even come close to describing Allred’s deeply disturbing performance.
Allred is the feminist version of what Jesse Jackson has become for black people; they both desperately hurt their side’s cause but everyone is too afraid of them to say no thanks, please go away. Both self-righteously claim to carry the shield for civil rights, but they are only interested in self-promotion and lining their pockets at the expense of those they claim to help.
How windy was it?
Hurricane Charlie hit Florida with 145-mile-an-hour winds. To show you how strong that is, it actually blew people into a theater showing the movie “Cat Woman.”
Good for you
*Are you ready for the Olympics? Yes? Then you’re doing better than the city of Athens.
Weather updates
It has been hot. I’ve been sweating like an Athens, Greece building inspector; “Um, I guess that duct tape will hold until the Olympics are over.”
There were record low temperatures in the mid-west. It was so cold, people were shaking like they had to tell Rosie O’Donnell gay marriages are no longer legal.
Non bon
If recent events are an indication, our athletes will receive a loud, unfriendly, anti-American reception at the Olympics. How unfriendly and anti-American? The entire Olympic stadium could actually become honorary French citizens.
Kill them with kindness
*Last week John Kerry’s called for a more sensitive approach to terrorism. What is a more sensitive approach to terrorism? Well, for example, instead of referring to the cutting off of heads crassly as beheadings, we could use the more sensitive expression; “cranial liberation.”
How can we be more sensitive with terrorists? Well, instead of unfairly using the term suicide bombers, we could use the more empowering term of freelance combustibles.
Without the snorts
The winner of “The Last Comic Standing” was John Heffron. If you haven’t seen John, imagine a younger, better-looking, less annoying, and much quieter Bobcat Goldthwait.
Feeling better
*The band Van Halen is on tour with their second lead singer, Sammy Hagar. The first singer, avid Lee Roth? Diamond Dave is studying to become an emergency medical technician. Imagine being in emergency room and you look up and there is David Lee Roth?
“Come to think of it, David Lee, my heart attack isn’t so bad, I’ll be leaving. I think I’ll go jog.”
Too bad
*Some bad news for John Kerry and John Edwards; Gay marriages have been ruled not legal.
I know those dudes . . .
San Diego Padres rookie Khalil Green provided the winning run against the Chicago Cubs. Is it me, or does Khalil look exactly like Sean Penn’s stoned surfer character Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”?
“Just playing baseball and learning about Cuba.”
Since you asked:
Publicity addict and scary feminist attorney Gloria Allred is representing Amber Frey at the Scott Peterson trial. Allred currently has shattered the world record for angrily calling press conferences to announce her clients have no statement.
The few feminists I know are sensitive of the sometimes prickly public image of feminists; so why feminists allow the angry, shrill, and other-worldly litigious Allred to speak for them makes as much public relations sense as the Partnership for a Drug Free America naming Courtney Love their spokesperson.
On the other hand, they say if you have to have a lawyer - and for all of our sakes, let's hope you don't - then you want the meanest, nastiest, most-frightening, mouth-foaming pitt bull you can find. From that standpoint, maybe feminists did the right thing by picking Allred.
But Gloria sure is a sharp dresser. The red accentuates the fire in her coal black eyes.
The first time I ever saw Allred was during an old “Phil Donahue Show” where she was arguing in favor of gay marriage. My beloved cousin wanted to marry her partner, so I tuned in strongly in favor of gay marriage.
By the time Allred had finished screaming, spitting, screeching and spewing her vitriol, she was so off-putting, I turned it off newly undecided on gay marriage and very afraid of Gloria Allred. The expression; “I can’t hear you because you are too loud” doesn’t even come close to describing Allred’s deeply disturbing performance.
Allred is the feminist version of what Jesse Jackson has become for black people; they both desperately hurt their side’s cause but everyone is too afraid of them to say no thanks, please go away. Both self-righteously claim to carry the shield for civil rights, but they are only interested in self-promotion and lining their pockets at the expense of those they claim to help.
posted by Alex at
12:10 PM
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