I may think I is the man, but Roman Sebrle is the man, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Correction
Athens had a 4.5 earthquake. Now it turns out it was really a 4.7 The FIG (Federation International Gymnastics) messed up the score.

Rulon rules
Don’t you love Olympic super-heavyweight champion Rulon Gardner? The guy is the perfect storm combination of a Saint Bernard puppy, a bear and Norm from “Cheers.”

That’s me
You know one of the things I love about the Olympics? It’s how I become an instant expert on sports I know nothing about, like diving and gymnastics. When I first turn it on, I am clueless; after five minutes I’m yelling;

“They took off a tenth for that? The judges are idiots.”

Girls Gone Wild, Athens Olympics
How about that gold medal beach volleyball celebration by Kerri Walsh and Misty May? They were so ecstatic, they hugged and then kissed and rolled on top of each other, and then they hugged again, and rolled and then kissed, and . . . I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

For a while there I wasn't sure if it was a gold medal celebration or a "Girls Gone Wild" video.

See if you can spot the hint
The New York Jets have signed Quincy Carter. The Jets really feel they have chopped out and sniffed a deal and that they have a line on a guy who won’t blow it.

Good luck
The September issue of Playboy features U.S. women Olympians. It will be interesting to see how they can figure out how to put the women’s beach volleyball players in even less clothes.

V.P.
Dick Cheney is in favor of gay marriage. And not just in secure and undisclosed locations.

Since you asked:
What a stud Olympic Decathlon winner Roman Sebrle is. He is the man. And seemingly funny and charismatic as well. And how about that awesome silver medal winner Chris Clay? He was as much of a surprise as Tom Pappas was a heartbreak. (Obviously Pappas’s foot had been bugging him for a long time, but he had too much class to use it as an excuse. Too bad. When Pappas took off his spikes after pulling up in the pole vault, and his foot was already heavily taped, you’d think one of the brain trusts at NBC could have done the math)

But here is my question: how the hell do you pronounce Sebrle? If you over-do-it like Dwight Stones, it sounds like Chevrolet. Under do it, like Jim Lampley, and it sounds like Cybil. Either way, man, what I would give to be Sebrle’s agent right now: Buffed, handsome, smart, funny . . . there are so few of us.

Don’t get me started on Dwight Stones. He was the original prissy, annoying, egomaniacal track diva before Carl Lewis. (He made quite the fashion statements in the late Seventies with his Espadrille sandals and his shirts knotted at the chest. It was absolutely fierce)

How Stones grew such an enormous head without ever winning a gold medal is somewhat of an amazement, but I had the honor of seeing Mighty Dwighty in action up close when I trained at the same track as Prince Floppy at Long Beach State. God, what an insufferable schmuck.

First of all, the parking lot fifty feet from the track wasn’t good enough for his special-ness, Dwight. No, he had to pull his spiffy little shiny sports car on to the field next to the track. Once Dwight was over an hour late for an interview. He made the interviewer and the camera crew wait as he wordlessly jogged past them four times while warming up. Finally addressing nobody in particular, Mister Stones proclaimed:

“You may interview Dwight Stones for ten minutes on the high jump apron in thirty minutes.”

It was my first, first person witness of somebody addressing himself in the third person.

With the notable exceptions of Bruce Jenner and Dwight Stones, generally everyone I have met who was a big shot in track and field (Including gold medal decathlon winners Rafer Johnson, Bill Tomey and gold medal pole vaulter Bob Seagren) has been great. No matter what the level of accomplishment, track athletes generally share a bond that somehow escaped primma donnas Jenner and Stones. (I started smelling a rat with Jenner when he didn't even bother to pack his vaulting poles after winning gold in Montreal. It was soon obvious the Decathlon was just a tool to launch his infomercials and Village People movie appearance)

Either way, Roman "Chevrolet, Cybil" Sebrle could kick both of their over-coiffed asses.