We didn’t get tapped by the stupid stick, we ran through the stupid forest and smacked every damn tree, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Well, it’s something anyway
*In Cleveland, Elecia Battle, who claimed she was the true winner of last week's $162 million lottery jackpot, made a tearful, public apology without saying her story about losing the winning ticket was a lie. She did, however, admit she bet on baseball.

Talk about a let down
*Man, was I disappointed when I saw an episode of “Celebrity Mole.” It didn’t have anything to do with Cindy Crawford.

I’ll take that big caterpillar-looking thing for one hundred, Alex
And the answer is “Celebrity Mole.” The question is: name a feature of Aaron Neville’s face that has more talent than the cast of “Celebrity Mole.”

I give up
*Should Pete Rose be inducted to the Hall of Fame or not? The answer is yes. Or no. I don’t care as long as I don’t ever have to hear about Pete Rose and the Hall of Fame ever again.

Missed it by that much
*Where was this whole girls-kissing-girls chic lesbian thing when I was single? When I was growing up the closest thing we had to lesbians kissing was Sonny and Cher.

Since you asked:

In the words of the great Sir Mick:

"What a mess this town's in tatters I've been shattered
My brain's been battered, splattered all over Manhattan"

Can I get a Shadoobie one time, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers? Amen.