We all quality like that up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Mad Spears Disease
*People close to Britney Spears are concerned about her out-of-control behavior. They may be right. Today Britney woke up married to a drunk Joe Namath.

The Speechinator
*Arnold Schwarzenegger delivered his state of California speech. He made jokes that if he could sell “Red Sonja” and “Last Action Hero” he can sell California. Let’s hope California isn’t as hard to sell as; “Jingle all the Way.”

Not a dry eye in the place
*A lot of great football this weekend. You know what I am looking forward to? During the AFC Championship halftime, they’ll have a touching live sideline wedding of ESPN’s Suzy Kolber and Joe Namath.

Rose pedals
*After fourteen years of the press begging, pleading, cajoling, Pete Rose has finally admitted he bet on baseball. You normally don’t find that combination of stubbornness and stupidity outside of, well, Paris.

Honest mistake
*They say the reason Osama bin Laden only is doing audio tapes is because he looks so God- awful. He’s gaunt, wan, haggard, thin, tired, jaundiced . . . wait, no that’s Charlie Rose.

Just party, baby
*More is coming out about Britney Spear’s brief husband, Jason Allen Alexander. It seems all his life he wanted to be a professional football player, but he gave up on football and now he just parties. Just like the Oakland Raiders.