Play that funky music, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Where was the white horse?
*Did you see all the USC players at "The Tonight Show" last night? It was like one big giant class of USC football players. That is, if USC football players ever went to a class.
As soon as they all sat down, out of habit, USC coach Pete Carroll handed them the answers to a test.
Man, I haven’t seen that much red in one place since Sacramento's last state budget meeting.
The best part for the USC football players? By sitting through the entire "Tonight Show" they all received six credits for Advanced Media Studies.
Woof. And I mean that, literally.
*Have you heard about the dog translator? It tells you what your dog is thinking. One thing your dog is wondering is why do you keep calling them accidents when they do it on purpose?
It could be scary to know what your dog is thinking: "You think I forgot that you had me fixed? Just wait until you doze off in that easy chair one night. I’ll fetch a couple of things you won’t ever forget, Pal."
It could be scary to know what your dog is thinking: "Once I figure out how to work that can opener, you are toast, Mister."
Time to go
*It's almost a week since Christmas, and there it just sits there in the living room shedding on the carpet just waiting to be tossed out on the curb. But enough about your brother-in-law, time to do something about that Christmas tree.
Time to get rid of the relatives this holiday? Do what I do. Repeatedly play the Yoko Ono Christmas album and serve nothing but fruitcake.
What's your beef?
*Have you had a Washington state strip steak? After you eat it, you strip naked.
PETA is getting into the act. They object to the term Mad Cow Disease. They prefer Behaviorally Challenged Bovine Syndrome.
Resolute Celebrities
It’s that time of year when celebrities make their New Year’s resolutions:
Paris Hilton resolves not to sleep with anyone who she doesn’t know personally.
Jessica Simpson has a New Year’s Resolution: No more finger sandwiches, because sandwiches made out of fingers are like disgusting.
Kobe Bryant's New Year's resolution can be summed up in three words: Seven-Eleven Microwave Burritos.
Christine Aguilera resolves to stop dressing so conservatively in 2004.
Britney Spears has resolved to work closer with senior citizens, just not to French kiss them any more.
Where was the white horse?
*Did you see all the USC players at "The Tonight Show" last night? It was like one big giant class of USC football players. That is, if USC football players ever went to a class.
As soon as they all sat down, out of habit, USC coach Pete Carroll handed them the answers to a test.
Man, I haven’t seen that much red in one place since Sacramento's last state budget meeting.
The best part for the USC football players? By sitting through the entire "Tonight Show" they all received six credits for Advanced Media Studies.
Woof. And I mean that, literally.
*Have you heard about the dog translator? It tells you what your dog is thinking. One thing your dog is wondering is why do you keep calling them accidents when they do it on purpose?
It could be scary to know what your dog is thinking: "You think I forgot that you had me fixed? Just wait until you doze off in that easy chair one night. I’ll fetch a couple of things you won’t ever forget, Pal."
It could be scary to know what your dog is thinking: "Once I figure out how to work that can opener, you are toast, Mister."
Time to go
*It's almost a week since Christmas, and there it just sits there in the living room shedding on the carpet just waiting to be tossed out on the curb. But enough about your brother-in-law, time to do something about that Christmas tree.
Time to get rid of the relatives this holiday? Do what I do. Repeatedly play the Yoko Ono Christmas album and serve nothing but fruitcake.
What's your beef?
*Have you had a Washington state strip steak? After you eat it, you strip naked.
PETA is getting into the act. They object to the term Mad Cow Disease. They prefer Behaviorally Challenged Bovine Syndrome.
Resolute Celebrities
It’s that time of year when celebrities make their New Year’s resolutions:
Paris Hilton resolves not to sleep with anyone who she doesn’t know personally.
Jessica Simpson has a New Year’s Resolution: No more finger sandwiches, because sandwiches made out of fingers are like disgusting.
Kobe Bryant's New Year's resolution can be summed up in three words: Seven-Eleven Microwave Burritos.
Christine Aguilera resolves to stop dressing so conservatively in 2004.
Britney Spears has resolved to work closer with senior citizens, just not to French kiss them any more.
posted by Alex at
10:43 AM
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