Do the booty dance, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Problem solved
I know how to solve this entire Mad Cow testing debate. Just ask a cow if it agrees with the BCS split-national college football championship. If the cow says yes, it is obviously insane.

Love is a Rose Bowl
It seems like every year the teams from the Big Ten come out to the Rose Bowl and get overwhelmed. Do you know the Pac Ten's secret? Two words: Hef's Grotto.

Fat City
Detroit has replaced Houston as America's fattest city, according to a fitness magazine. According to the study, Detroit’s lack of exercise, poor diet and low-job satisfaction were cited as the cause. And that’s just on their pro teams, the Tigers and the Lions.

How in the world did Detroit pass Houston as America’s fattest city? Houston’s flag has a deep-fryer and a defibrillator on it.

Houston is the only place in the world where you can get your pie chicken-fried.

All the news that’s fit to print and then some more
“Fox News” is reporting that “The New York Times” mistakenly reported that Michael Jackson was paid $1 million by CBS for his “Sixty Minutes” interview. Remember the good old days when “The National Enquirer” was actually less reliable than “The New York Times?”

Since you asked:
Believe me, I am no USC fan, but . . . Now let me get this straight. Oklahoma and L.S.U. could come out looking like they just ate off the Oakland Raider’s plate: High top Keds sneakers, patched blue jeans, old leather helmets on sideways looking out through the ear holes, handling the football like it was a greased pig, and yet one of them will get a share of the National Championship with the obviously #1 USC? Oh yeah, great job with that BSC thing.