Can you feel the lovizzle up in this hizzle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Go Rush, go Rush, it’s your birthday, it’s your birthday
*It was Rush Limbaugh’s birthday yesterday. He celebrated by playing Pin-the-tale-on-the-Maid.

For a present, Donovan McNabb sent Rush a case of Campbell’s new Chunky Crow soup.

Bad plan
Kansas City Chiefs defensive co-ordinator Greg Robinson resigned after an embarrassing playoff loss to Indianapolis. In retrospect, Robinson said it may not have been his best plan to base his defense on strategies employed by the French and Iraqi armies.


Fuggetaboutit
*New Jersey became the first state to legalize human cloning. This is bad news for those Jersey mafia guys. “Yo, I just whacked that guy, now there’s another one? Maddon’, I gotta do it again.”

Ouch
*Kobe Bryant injured his shoulder last night. Doctors described it as alibi-stretched-tendonitis.

Nice fit
*In his book, Pete Rose admits he used to date cocktail waitresses, groupies, and strippers. Today Rose was nominated for induction into the Bill Clinton library.

Doctor my eyes
*Pitcher Roger Clemens is joining the Houston Astros. After a career of throwing at batters in the designated-hitter-American League, Clemens will now have to face pitchers. Pitchers will have to be extra careful not to doctor the ball with their drool.

Especially the seafood buffet
*Rosie O’Donnell is offering an all lesbian cruise to the Bahamas. One thing about a Rosie O’Donnell cruise, you know the all-you-can-eat-buffet is going to be well-stocked.

Don’t ask me
*Kid Rock turns 33 Saturday. At some point soon he will have to change his name to Who-Are-You-Trying to Kid? Rock.

Thoughtful
*Michael Jackson has moved out of Neverland Ranch and is now leasing a Beverley Hills mansion. If you’re looking for a house-warming present for Michael, you can’t go wrong with a gift certificate to the Beverly Hills Chucky Cheese.