Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Word up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Listed as fay to fay
More bad news for the San Diego Chargers; today while doing his yoga meditation, wide receiver David Boston sustained a soft tissue bruise to his Chi. He is listed as very questionable.

Now, I don’t want to imply that David Boston is a big wussy, but I have seen flower girls go past bridesmaids for the wedding bouquet harder than Boston went after a couple passes.

“Natasha darlink?”
Did you catch the recall candidate’s debate? It was wild. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arianna Huffington got in a big shouting match over whose fault it was that they haven’t caught Moose and Squirrel.

Only in California could a recall get recalled. Or as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls the recall: the sequel.

The umpire outed him
The Gay softball world series is embroiled in a controversy. One of the teams is being accused of using a straight ringer. They suspected the ringer of being straight when he didn’t know the words to the team’s song, Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive.”

They suspected the ringer of being straight when he couldn’t name his favorite Barbra Striesand movie
They suspected the ringer of being straight when, after the game, he shaved and splashed on Old Spice instead of applying an Algae facial cleanser and a vitamin A,D and E cleansing bar.

Go Cubbies
After watching the litany of historic Red Sox woes on HBO’s “The Curse of the Bambino,” that program accomplished something that I didn’t think was possible: it made Chicagoans downright relieved to be Cubs fan. Their teams just lose, they weren’t sentenced to Devine retribution.

Starting out with a good move
Ohio State bust Maurice Clarett is suing the NFL to join early. There is simply no way to get off to a better start with your future employer than to bring a nasty lawsuit. Well, that or a fruit basket.