Thursday, September 18, 2003

This how we playuhs play the play up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The something leading the whatever

Al Gore is coming to California to help Gray Davis. In a similar story, today Ray Charles picked Stevie Wonder as his tennis partner.

Not a good sign of future employement
Here’s a little tip: If you are a news reporter, and your boss just sent you to cover hurricane Isabel? You better update your resume.

Exact same precautions
Cities along the eastern seaboard have brought in reinforced medical, emergency, repair and fire and police crews in preparation of hurricane Isabel. It’s essentially the same preparations they make when Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston come to town.

The iceman cometh
*Kerry Wood pitched an 11 strike-out, 2-0 complete gem against the New York Mets. After the game in the press conference, Wood had his arm, neck, shoulder, back and chest completely incased in ice. He had to be the most iced baseball player ever, well, next to Ted Williams.

The losing New York Mets pitcher, Al Leiter’s batting average is better than his swing would merit and he is batting .021. Leiter’s stance looks every bit as natural as a fish riding a bicycle. When Leiter swings he looks like a drunk debutante taking a whack at a pinata.

Go down, Moses
Hurdler Edwin Moses, 48, has announced he will try to qualify for the Olympic Trials. He is going to run in his “World’s Best Grandpa” t-shirt.

Moses is a little older now, so his training technique consists primarily of running after neighborhood kids while yelling; “You punks get off my lawn.”

(In my best Ed McMahon) Uh, that would be correct, Sir

The Emmys are Sunday. You know the difference between the UPN network and the Cincinnati Bengals? The Bengals actually have some remote chance of winning Sunday.

Bouncing baby something or other
Congratulations to Colin Farrell, he’s now a father. His girlfriend had a beautiful baby boy. Today Colin was seen celebrating wildly, drinking, swearing and carrying on with super models. When asked why he was so happy to be a father, Colin asked; “I’m a father?”

I’m not sure Colin Farrell is going to be a model father; today, when somebody asked to see his pictures of his baby, Colin presented naked photos of his super model girlfriend.

Since you asked:
The Women’s World Cup in soccer is coming up. Some hard-boiled, male sports fans were surprised at the popularity generated by our winning U.S. team four years ago. Personally, I understand why some sports fans might enjoy watching women’s soccer.

It might be fun to watch attractive, fit women running around in shorts and occasionally mixing it up and getting rough because, well, someone was a little naughty, naughty, bad girl. So bad, in fact, they might have to punish her later in the locker room by, oh, say snapping a towel on her tight little rear end right when she comes out of the shower all, wet and . . . huh? Wha'? Oh, sorry. Got lost there for a second. What was I saying? Oh yeah, go Bears.