Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Where is the love, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

The political equivalent of herding cats
The recall election has been postponed for six months. Oh good, because it wasn’t messed up enough before.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is worried if it gets postponed any longer it may just go straight to video.

Let’s be honest, the only reason Arnold Schwarzenegger is running for governor is because he thought Recall Election was a sequel to his movie “Total Recall.”

One of the reasons for the six month recall delay is the concern voters will mess up the punch-card ballots; hey, this is California, we’re not stupid, we’re crazy, but not stupid.

Where have you gone, Brandy Chastain, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you, eww, ewww ewww
The WUSA, women’s soccer league has folded. For some reason, the interest by men seemed to curtail right after they banned the after-goal jersey yank-off.

If you ask me – and nobody did – it is no accident that the WUSA women’s soccer league folded right after they banned women from tearing off their tops after a goal. You want this league to come back? Five words: After each goal, mandatory stripping.

Attention Manhattan Chinese restaurants
Officials in Cambodia are asking people to help out with the stray dog problem by eating more dogs. Hey, this may be the way for New Yorkers to get rid of their rats . . .

Like a Version
Good news. They’ve finally figured out how to clean Michelangelo’s naked muscular statue David without dLike a virginamaging it. Madonna has offered to lick it clean.

Coincidence? No.
San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds hit his 655th home run. Ironically, Bonds is only eleven home runs away from 666, which is the symbol the media assigned him.