You heard me, I said bring the noise, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Color me shocked
*The Chicago Cubs manager Dusty Baker created a stir when he said that black and Hispanic players can take the heat better than white players. As a person of white color, I found this statement so objectionable, I nearly dropped my SPF 50 lotion and my sun parasol.
Next thing you know Baker will claim the Asian players are good at math.
That’s a lot
The Los Angeles Lakers just signed the Utah’s Jazz’s big man Carl Malone who will join Shaquille O’Neal. That sound you heard was the Laker’s private chef feinting.
Perfect fit
*Jerry Springer, the talk show host will file papers to run for the U.S. Senate. This guy deals every day with the scum of the earth, low-lifes, nut-jobs, psychos and sleaze bags. So obviously, he’s qualified to serve in congress.
Dah dum, dah dum, dadum dadum
*Authorities say beachgoers don’t need to worry about great white sharks. They say more people are killed by vending machines than by great white sharks. And that’s just the people killed from eating Twinkies.
Vending machines more dangerous than a shark? I don’t know about that. Have you ever tried to get your money back from a shark? That’s pretty dangerous.
A strong wind
*Tropical storm Claudette hit the tourist resort of Cancun. To show you how bad it was, the winds were so strong, at Club Med, it blew two people into bed who were actually married to each other.
Just Do It More
*In his second exhibition for the Cleveland Cavaliers high school phenom LeBron “King” James only had 14 points in their 82-78 loss to the Miami Heat. Or as Nike sees that: over six million a point.
Brat was the matter with this guy?
Authorities booked Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon on misdemeanor battery for hitting the Milwaukee Brewers racing Italian sausage with a bat. The Italian sausage fell and tripped the racing hot dog. Both people in the wiener costumes sustained minor injuries, so there is still some debate as to which sausage was knocked worst. (Sorry.)
If you look closely at the video, you see another unidentified Pirate player sink to a knee, swing a bat at a sausage, and missed. He was charged with a felony misdemeanor because he fell on a knee and missed a wiener. (Now you’re sorry)
Simon claims he was just kidding and merely lightly tapped the sausage, but that excuse doesn’t cut the mustard. The story keeps getting weirder and weirder. In the after-race dope test, the Bratwurst, tested positive for M.S.G. Sadly, in the race, the fallen Italian sausage never did ketchup. In an ugly incident like this, there simply are no wieners. (Last one, I promise)
Asked to comment on Simon’s action, the San Diego Padres mascot the Friar said; “Hey, I am a guy in a priest costume. I can’t cast aspersions on anyone’s behavior.”
Color me shocked
*The Chicago Cubs manager Dusty Baker created a stir when he said that black and Hispanic players can take the heat better than white players. As a person of white color, I found this statement so objectionable, I nearly dropped my SPF 50 lotion and my sun parasol.
Next thing you know Baker will claim the Asian players are good at math.
That’s a lot
The Los Angeles Lakers just signed the Utah’s Jazz’s big man Carl Malone who will join Shaquille O’Neal. That sound you heard was the Laker’s private chef feinting.
Perfect fit
*Jerry Springer, the talk show host will file papers to run for the U.S. Senate. This guy deals every day with the scum of the earth, low-lifes, nut-jobs, psychos and sleaze bags. So obviously, he’s qualified to serve in congress.
Dah dum, dah dum, dadum dadum
*Authorities say beachgoers don’t need to worry about great white sharks. They say more people are killed by vending machines than by great white sharks. And that’s just the people killed from eating Twinkies.
Vending machines more dangerous than a shark? I don’t know about that. Have you ever tried to get your money back from a shark? That’s pretty dangerous.
A strong wind
*Tropical storm Claudette hit the tourist resort of Cancun. To show you how bad it was, the winds were so strong, at Club Med, it blew two people into bed who were actually married to each other.
Just Do It More
*In his second exhibition for the Cleveland Cavaliers high school phenom LeBron “King” James only had 14 points in their 82-78 loss to the Miami Heat. Or as Nike sees that: over six million a point.
Brat was the matter with this guy?
Authorities booked Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon on misdemeanor battery for hitting the Milwaukee Brewers racing Italian sausage with a bat. The Italian sausage fell and tripped the racing hot dog. Both people in the wiener costumes sustained minor injuries, so there is still some debate as to which sausage was knocked worst. (Sorry.)
If you look closely at the video, you see another unidentified Pirate player sink to a knee, swing a bat at a sausage, and missed. He was charged with a felony misdemeanor because he fell on a knee and missed a wiener. (Now you’re sorry)
Simon claims he was just kidding and merely lightly tapped the sausage, but that excuse doesn’t cut the mustard. The story keeps getting weirder and weirder. In the after-race dope test, the Bratwurst, tested positive for M.S.G. Sadly, in the race, the fallen Italian sausage never did ketchup. In an ugly incident like this, there simply are no wieners. (Last one, I promise)
Asked to comment on Simon’s action, the San Diego Padres mascot the Friar said; “Hey, I am a guy in a priest costume. I can’t cast aspersions on anyone’s behavior.”
posted by Alex at
3:33 PM
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