To quote T 3, (that's Terrible Terry Tate, not that bad acting robot) you can’t just say it, you got to play it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

P.U., and I don’t mean Pepperdine University
*The Chicago Cubs have lost 15 out of their last 22 games. The Cubs have stunk so much recently that today manager Dusty Baker issued body-heat activated Degree deodorant to all of the Cubs, not just the white players.

A big reason the Cubs have been so malodorous lately? Relief pitcher (and I use the word relief ironically) Antonio Alfonseca. Let’s look past the fact that Alfonseca is uglier than homemade shoes; the guyhas been dishing out homeruns like a Krispy Kream hands out donuts. The Cubs should have been suspicious from the start: Alfonseca in Spanish means; Curves not breaking.



Paging Doctor Atkins. Ooops, too late
*Pittsburgh Pirate Randall Simon was suspended for three games and fined $2,000 by Major League Baseball for his sausage onslaught. In addition, Simon was immediately restricted to a low-cholesterol, meat-byproduct free diet.

Only five games separate the fifth place Pirates from the second place St. Louis Cardinals. The central division is packed tighter than hot dogs in a package. (I promise, that’s the last one)

Quitting with panache, also a French word
*Sprint maestro and four-stage winner Alessandro Petacchi of Italy suddenly quit the 2003 Tour de France when he gave up on the first climb of the seventh stage. This was such a stunning example of giving up that even the French were impressed.

Oh my goodness, Petacchi quit the tour after four wins? Do you know what this means? No, seriously, I am asking, does anyone know what this means?