Sunday, March 04, 2018

Nobody was hurt, but Mammoth Mountain, CA had a huge avalanche. Donald Trump said he would have run into the avalanche without a shovel.

Nobody was hurt, but Mammoth CA had a huge avalanche. When she heard about something that powerful and white, Hope Hicks began dating the avalanche.

Roger Bannister, the man who first broke the four-minute mile barrier, passed away at 88. Well so much for running being good for you.

A study claims California has the lowest quality of life. Oprah had no comment while she was basking in her gold bathtub sipping cabernet on a cliff over-looking the ocean during a 74 degree sunset in February in Santa Barbara.

A study claims California has the lowest quality of life. “This is great news,”  said the New York man kicked out of his squalid $5,000-a-month apartment by an infestation of roaches.

It is the one-year anniversary of a San Francisco man biting the finger off a bartender who would not serve him, and the police have no leads. They had a hot tip, but they lost it.  

Donald Trump had a line of steaks, a brand of vodka and four casinos fail. This guy could not sell eating meat, gambling and drinking to Americans. If he owned a brothel he could cure sex addiction.

A California couple was arrested for child abuse for living with their three children in a feces and urine filled box in the dessert for four years. On the bright side, now we know where Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are.

Failed Senate candidate, Roy Moore is broke and asking for money to defend himself against a charge of pedophilia. Anyone looking to donate to Moore, call 1-800-Poor-Perv.

Failed Senate candidate, Roy Moore is broke and asking for money for legal expenses. For some reason, teenage girls are not lining up to pay for rides on Roy’s horse, Sassy, like they used to.

Since you asked: 

Do you want to know how much Spirit Airlines hates customers? Spirit Airlines is well known for canceling flights that are not full using the bullet-proof excuse of mechanical problems. 

One night in Fort Lauderdale, a couple years ago, they cancelled nine flights claiming sudden mechanical difficulties on nine different planes all at once. This left hundreds of passengers stranded over night without any compensation from Spirit for hotels. In addition, the Spirit employees at the gate were so rude to the passengers, fights broke out between the Spirit employees and the stranded passengers and police had to be called. 

One of the biggest group of a-holes I have ever seen? The parents of the Chino, CA Legends Girls U-’98 soccer team. They had a bleach-blonde team mom who would stand on our side and swear at our girls and the ref. She was on our side, so if she got a red card, it would go against us. 

One time one our girls came off the field to tell us she, the Legends U-’98 team mom, called her the C-word. She was 14 at the time. 

The Legend parents all cheered when one of our girls got hurt. 

One time at a tournament in Danville, a Legends’ little weasel dad asked us how we were able to upset the Surf when our team was so bad? And, no, I did not punch him, but I genuinely wished I had. 

The kids were fine on the Legends, not like the Slammers who are the most aptly named team in sports. The Legends parents proved, once again, there is nothing more intolerable than snotty, white trash.

At a time when we have never had more a-holes, most people do not think they're an a-hole. But if you were a parent of either the Slammers or Legends Girls U-'98 teams? You're an a-hole.

Or if you're employed by Spirit Airlines.

One of the best life-hacks there is for guys is shaving in the shower. Have not bought a can of shaving cream in 30 years. And those disposable four-blade razors last forever because your beard gets so soft in the shower.