I'm gonna Ester Ledecka this bish, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Olympic Curling is fun to watch. It’s just hard to take all of the trash-talking.

The Olympic Curling is fun to watch, but the Canadian team could use help with their trash talking. “Nice of your mom to lend me her broom when she was taking a nap, eh?” 

At a speech in Maryland, Donald Trump was self-effacing about "Trying like hell to hide my bald spot." I'm not an expert on the apocalypse, but I am pretty sure this is the seventh sign.

At the Olympics, a Russian curler tested positive for doping and was stripped of his bronze medal. Cheating in a sport known for smoking and doing Jagermeister shots between matches.

At the Olympics, a Russian bobsledder who wore a “I Don’t Do Doping” t-shirt, tested positive for a banned substance. And you’re not going to believe what the guy wearing the “I Did Not Do Katie Couric” t-shirt did.

In women’s Olympic Curling,  South Korea played Japan. Now, I don’t want to say the screaming was obnoxious, but now I know why they use stones. That kind of screaming in bowling would shatter the balls.

In women’s Olympic Curling,  South Korea played Japan. All of the players and coaches for South Korea are surnamed Kim. Makes it confusing to field the offers from groupies.

Ivanka Trump is going to the Olympic Closing Ceremonies in South Korea. You thought Ivanka eye-banged Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau? Wait until she sees the shirtless, oily Tonga dude. 

At the Olympics, a Russian bobsled pilot, who wore a t-shirt that said, “I Don’t Do Doping,” tested positive for a banned substance. Her name is Ivana Cheatsmyassoff.

At the Olympics, a Russian bobsled pilot tested positive for a banned substance. Officials became suspicious when she broke her 13th bobsled steering wheel. 

At the Olympics, a Russian bobsled pilot, who wore a t-shirt that said, “I Don’t Do Doping,” tested positive for a banned substance. Officials became suspicious when she drove her bobsled from South Korea to North Korea.

ISIS is reportedly undergoing a cash crisis.They used up all of the gift certificates for Thank Allah It’s Friday and Bed, Bath and a Bomb. 

Diggin’ Dawg

Let me explain my affectionate nickname for the awesome Jessica Diggins, Diggin’ Dawg.

Clearly it has nothing to do with the pejorative term for an ugly woman, dog, except ironically because she is so pretty.

Her last name is Diggins, and she was digging like crazy to win the gold.

Plus, and this is more of the reason, we had a beloved yellow/white lab named Wrigley whom one of his many nicknames was Wrigger the Digger Dawg. He would appear at the sliding glass door to be let inside looking all the world like a chocolate lab with all of the mud on him. 

I get the same tickle in my heart when I think of Wrigley as I do when I see Jessica. She is that cute and yet that tough and tenacious. 

Hey, Tenacious D might be a good nickname for her. Oh, right.

Great Guy Or Idiot? You Decide

Here is a classic example of why I am both a great guy and an idiot. And they occurred within seconds of each other.

So we are in Las Vegas for a soccer tournament five years ago. Ann Caroline and Virg go with other girls and moms shopping, so I head out for a run from our Double Tree off the strip to run along the strip.

As I am coming up over a pedestrian bridge, up the stairs bounds this cute, happy little brown-haired girl, about 10-years-old, in a full-length shiny lime-green princess dress complete with a tiara on her head. She is wearing a ton of makeup. And she has Down Syndrome. 

Her proud parents were right behind her. This really hit me in the heart. As a proud father of a daughter, I know how much it means when someone dotes on your kid. 

 So I stopped mid run and said to the little princess and her parents;

“Oh my word. Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but this is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in all of Las Vegas.” 

Her little angle face lit up and her parents smiled. She gave me the sweetest hug. It was a special moment.

This is when a smart man would have just ran away. But, no, I had to add more - meaning it as a joke, mind you;

“No, really,” I said to the cute little girl, "you’re the most beautiful girl in Las Vegas. Believe me, I have seen a lot of beautiful girls in Las Vegas because I’ve been to a lot of strip clubs.”

“Say goodbye to the man, Susie.”  

And the suddenly frightened parents hurried off with cute, confused little Susie turning around and waving goodbye.