On this President's Day, did you know that the young Abraham Lincoln invented Bed-Head? 

You got to skate away clean, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Today is President’s Day. Hopefully Donald Trump will get someone to pay attention to him.

Norway is dominating the Winter Olympics. And you thought Donald Trump wanted them to immigrate before? 

At the Olympics, a Russian curler tested positive for doping. Not only that, but now they think he corked his broom.

At the Olympics, a Russian curler tested positive for doping. Officials became suspicious when he started sweeping and broke through the ice to the cement underneath.

At the Olympics, a Russian curler tested positive for doping. Officials became suspicious when he threw a stone from South Korea to North Korea.

The US women’s hockey team advanced to the gold medal game against Canada. The US men’s hockey team lost 4-0 to Russia and will resume their careers as Chipotle health inspectors.

At the Olympics, the Canadian ice dancing pair of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir skated to a score of the Rolling Stones, Santana and the Eagles. “That was a perfect 10,” said the year in 1976. 

In Australia, a Carnival Cruise tour was halted when 23 passengers were kicked off for fighting. This is what happens when you run out of bacon at the Midnight Buffet. 

The latest trend in Thailand is penis bleaching. Penis bleaching is available in three shades, from white to whitest: the The Snowboard Gold Medalist, The Cold Play and the whitest, The Eric Trump.

At the Olympics, a Russian curler tested positive for doping. Cheating at curling is like plagiarizing on a term paper about the evils of cheating.

The latest trend in Thailand is penis bleaching. For an extra fee, they can bleach your penis so white it can be named a member of Donald Trump’s cabinet.

The latest trend in Thailand is penis bleaching. Penis bleaching is available in three shades, from white to whitest: The Cross Country Skier, The Polka Dance, and the whitest, The Trump Cabinet. 

On “60 Minutes,” Sec. of State, Rex Tillerson, sidestepped the question did he call Donald Trump a moron. Nobody bought the explanation Tillerson was talking about one of Trump’s favorite bands, Maroon 5. 

In Australia, a Carnival Cruise tour was halted when 23 passengers were kicked off for fighting. It wasn’t so much fighting as it was aggressive jostling for position at the All-You-Can-Eat dessert bar.

When a skier suddenly fell at the Olympics for no reason, the announcer said he was bitten by a snow snake. Coincidentally, Snow Snake is the name of the company in Thailand that offers penis bleaching.










Since you asked:

Martin: Did you know, and this is pretty amazing, but I once saw Ringo Starr.

William: Where was that?

Martin: Kensington High Street. At least I think it was Ringo, um, it could have been that guy from Fiddler on the Roof. You know, Toppy.

William: Topol.

Martin: Yes... yes that's right, Topol.

William: Mmmhmmm. Actually, Ringo Starr doesn't- doesn't at all look like, uh, Topol.

Martin: Yes, but, he was- he was quite a long way away from me.

William: So it actually could've been neither of them.

Martin: Yes, I suppose, so.

William: It's not really a classic, anecdote, is it?


Martin: Not a classic, no.


 - "Knotting Hill"