Friday, April 01, 2016

 High School guys, prom season is coming up. Time to ask for a date before all the hot teachers are taken.

(The More You Know . . . )

In Wisconsin, a stripper was arrested after biting a man’s crotch during a lap dance. It was a misunderstanding. She thought he ordered the Kris Jenner special.

Although in excruciating pain, the victim was able to comment right before passing out: “Dude, a stripper touched my crotch during a lap dance. Still got it.” 

Donald Trump claims banning Muslims from the US will motivate them to fight ISIS so they can get into the US. This makes as much sense as Bristol Palin having three babies with three fathers so she can be our top abstinence expert. 

Former UFC champ, Jon Jones, has been ordered to attend anger management classes after a road rage incident. Which is like making a competitive eater join Jenny Craig. 

Once again, Tiger Woods is going to miss the Masters due to his back problems. Folks, let this be a lesson to you. Always lift with your legs when picking up a Waffle House waitress. 

Tiger Woods says he will miss the Masters. Instead he plans to enjoy a two-way one hour commute to an office to prepare a TPS report with a cover sheet.

TMZ says Jermaine Jackson said Michael Jackson would vote for Hillary Clinton. Jermaine went on to say, “Welcome to Wal Mart.” 

Since you asked:

After pissing off the entire continent of Australia with her rude and drunken behavior, Madonna, who is embroiled an ugly custody fight for her son, Rocco - who wants to live with his father, Guy Ritchie - Madge is now suing her NYC building over the right to leave her children there without her. 

Is it just me, or is Madonna lacking in interpersonal skills? She is the Donald Trump of over-the-hill pop stars. 

Folks, this is why you want to go to college if possible. (Somehow Trump was absent when they taught this) There you learn that, even if you become wildly successful, treating people like utter crap is not an option. In fact, it completely tarnishes all of the hard work and success. 

Nobody is doubting Madonna works her ass off for her amazing success. That does not change the fact Madonna's legacy will largely be how badly she treats people. 

Madonna abuses people because, growing up poor and being uneducated, she thinks being difficult is what rich stars are supposed to do. That and she is a stone bitch. Trump and Madonna, are proof money cannot buy class.  

There is a picture of a woman in a Google Apps game ad and she is a Kate Middleton-like beautiful brunette with long, brown hair wearing a pork pie hat and Ray Ban aviator sun glasses. That is a wildly cool look. 

It says kind of happening. Kind of wow. Kind of sassy. Kind of now. (Is there anything sadder than older dudes trying to be cool?)

Just watched one of those nauseating actor self-congratulatory circle-fests with the cast of “Batman V. Superman” and it never ceases to amaze me how weird actors are.

(It was fascinating to see the other actors trying to hide their hatred of Jesse Eisenberg) 

How weird are actors? You have a poop-load of actors, in this case Jesse Eisenberg, but including Johnny Depp and Juliane Moore and Javier Bardem, who cannot watch their own movies. 

Are they kidding? 

When I film a GoPro session while SUP surfing, I can barely wait to get home to see it. If I could watch it on the drive home I would. And I am not nearly as good-looking as these folks. Then I see it over and over again. Then I edit it. One thing that doesn’t happen? I never get tired of seeing myself. No matter how old and bloated I look.  

Can you imagine a painter that can’t look at his painting, or a musician who won’t listen to his song? 

Actors are freaking weird. Period.