Tuesday, March 29, 2016

There are many things I do not understand, but among them is why Kylie Jenner is turning into Michael Jackson?

58-year-old comedian, Jon Lovitz, is engaged to 27-year-old actress, Jessica Lowndes. He claims he won her over with his sense of humor. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket. 

The National Arboretum in Washington is asking social media to name their two baby bald eagles. So far the leading contenders are Eagley McEagleface and Damn Daniel. 

Donald Trump dodged a question about how he would deal with ISIS. Trump can’t worry about ISIS. He’s too scared of Megyn Kelly from “Fox News.”

A biography claims Kris Jenner helped her daughter, Kim Kardashian, leak her 2003 sex tape. How Kris was snubbed for 2003 Mother-of-the-year I will never know. 

Kris coined the term combining mom and manager, momager. She just coined a new term: Mimp. 

A Pennsylvania woman was charged with fraud for practicing law for ten years without a law degree or taking the bar exam. They became suspicious when they asked for her credentials and she said she has won three J.D. Powers and Associates Awards.

She lied, she deceived, she falsified information. In short, she is a great lawyer. 

A biography claims Kris Jenner helped her daughter, Kim Kardashian, leak her 2003 sex tape. It also allowed Kim to earn her Girl Scout “Shameless Slut” Merit Badge. 

Geraldo Rivera got dressed as Donald Trump on “Dancing with the Stars” and was kicked off. Rivera’s dancing was OK, but that thing on his head was off-beat. 

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Corey Lewandowsky, was charged with battery in Florida for grabbing and yanking a reporter. This is serious. Normally in Florida you’re not charged with battery unless you shock someone with a car battery.

In an interview with “Fox News” former QB, Tim Tebow, said he would find running for office intriguing. In fact, Tebow threw his hat into the political ring, but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. 

Since you asked:

Anyone who thinks Donald Trump can run a country needs to see the ESPN “30 For 30” episode titled “Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL?” It shows how singlehandedly Trump destroyed the USFL that, while probably never eclipsing the NFL, could have been a successful spring football league at the revenue level of NHL hockey or MLS soccer.

Trump’s huge publicity-whore ego and his ham-fisted ineptness (ironically due to his tiny hands) and angry litigiousness not only destroyed his team, but the entire league. He forced them to play in the Fall, he forced them to sue the NFL and then he walked away when it failed because of those two idiotic moves. 

Clearly Trump was clumsily and selfishly expecting the NFL to give him a team. The Pope would give Madonna a convent before the NFL would give a tacky sleaze-ball like Trump a team. 

So, for those keeping track, Trump’s business failures include four casinos, a pro football team, a brand of vodka and a line of steaks. Trump failed at selling football, gambling, booze and eating meat to Americans. 

And Trump is leading because he is such a great businessman.