These just in:

Remember the Ted Cruz commercial they had to pull out because the actress was a porn star? Apparently this is the only time the term “pull out” and Ted Cruz have been combined. 

Rumor has it the Ted Cruz sex scandal now includes prostitutes. “This makes more sense,” said women.

This has turned into a full-blown -excuse the expression - Ted Cruz sex scandal. Or as us comedy writers call it: Christmas in Springtime.