Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I was wrong. Kylie Jenner is not turning into Michael Jackson. She is turning into Janet Jackson

Donald Trump said women who get abortions should be punished, then he recanted his statement. He made a sweeping gesture to one side and then flipped over to the other. Just like he combs his hair. 

Ted Cruz had affairs with eight women. Dateless, single men have never felt worse. And neither have eight women. 

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have moved out of Kris Jenner’s house and vehemently deny any divorce rumors. You know what that means? Yeah, they’re getting divorced. 

Apple refused to help the FBI access the San Bernardino terrorist’s iPhone. Now that the FBI has accessed the phone, Apple is demanding they tell them how. Apple is like the girl who turned down a guy’s prom invite and when her best friend tells him yes, she insists he take her instead. 

Yep, you got it. Apple is the fickle bitch in this scenario.