Tuesday, January 06, 2009

So get this, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Got a record five jokes on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” last night.

#1, I want to be the first to wish my fellow dyslexics a happy 9002.

#2. It was awkward at the White House when they asked President Bush if he had a New Year resolution he said; “The government is in trouble but we don’t need to start a resolution.”

#3 Congratulations to Bristol Palin, Sarah’s daughter, she had a baby and named him Tripp. Really? Tripp? Didn’t his grandmother just get arrested for drugs? Is Tripp the best name? Were the names Wasted and Stoned already taken?

#4 But that is better than Sarah Palin’s idea: Joe the baby.

#5 Saw an odd movie this holiday: “Valkyrie & Me” It’s about a plot to kill Hitler’s dog.

2 and 4 got the biggest laughs, 5 got a kind of bemused “Huh?”

That wasn’t turr-uh-bull
In Phoenix, Charles Barkley was arrested for a DUI. Charles was arrested because, as he told the police, he was in a hurry to see a woman who was really good at oral sex. And here I didn’t even know Monica Lewinski was visiting Phoenix.

Sadly, the oldest woman passed away at 115. So now we have a new oldest woman, so congratulations go out to Cher.

Since you asked:

So Ann Caroline got an A++ on a paper she wrote for science. So, as someone who has never even gotten an A+, I wanted to read it. It was a very well worded and almost doctor-like description of the digestive system detailing what happens when food comes in all the way to it's final expulsion. This is what Ann Caroline wrote, and I am not changing one word:

"So then the feces is expelled from the rectum. Hopefully in a toilet."

I'd like to think the toilet line is what earned her the double plus.