Let me be the first to wish all dyslexics a Year New Happy 0920, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

I, uh, I did not know that . . .

Did you know what Auld Lang Syne is Scottish for? Get her done.

What a nob

OK, we all know this "Bob's Big Boy" idiot, Rod Blagojevich who got caught trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat? Well, he appointed a guy anyway, but the guy turned him down. Is it just me or is this Blago moron like a political Black Knight in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"? 

His arms and legs chopped off and blood spewing from his stumps and he shouts;

"Come back and fight, it's just a flesh wound."

John Daly said his six-month suspension from the PGA tour is his personal low point. And this is coming from a guy who was arrested for passing out in front of a Hooter's. This guy knows his low points.  

Teary

Guys, be warned, "Marley & Me" is a great date movie, but you will cry. You know "Brian's Song"? Picture Brian Piccolo as an adorable rascal doggie. 

Sir Chuck

Charles Barkley was arrested for a D.U.I. When asked to comment an indignant Sir Charles said;

"That arrest was turrr-uh-bull, just turrr-uh-bull. That cop was a knucklehead. Letmetellyousomthin' I been a lot drunker than that . . ."

How cold is it?

It is cold back East, in Washington, Dick Cheney had to resort to hockey-boarding.

With the support of Palastenian president Mahmud Abbas, Hamas has vowed to not quit. (Split infinitive, split infinitive) In other words, Hamas's Abbas has cast no mas on a coup de gras to cast the last pass past the harassment. . . oh forget it.

Since you asked:

Great story in "SI". 

It illustrates sportsmanship and the problem of sports officials who are losers gone mad with their small power.

At the girls state championship in Washington, Nicole Cochran won the 3200-meters by 3.05 seconds, a blow out. Until some tool official ruled she had stepped outside her lane on one of the turns and disqualified her. Everyone said the official was wrong and a video of the race later proved it was someone else who stepped over the line.  But no matter, this weasel-tool would not change his ruling.

So what did the "winner" Andrea Nelson do when given the first place medal? She walked over and placed the gold medal around the neck of the real winner, Nicole Cochran. And then the second place medal winner gave her medal to Nelson. And so forth all the way down the line of the eight medal winners.

Volunteers as officials are critical for many sports, especially track and most are wonderful. The problem is when it attracts those pathetic losers who go mad with their tiny amount of power. We run into this over and over again with the refs at AC's soccer games. They are just dying to throw a coach or a parent out of a game. 

Thanks for asking, but no, I have not been tossed or even rebuked. OK, once I was told to cool it when a ball bounced up and hit the other team's player hard in both hands while she was in their box - a penalty kick on their goal - and the ref did not call it, I blurted out louder-than-I thought-I-had while laughing;

"What does she have to do, catch it?"

Once at a decathlon meet in high school that I had trained for months for, one of these nimrod nazis was in charge of the long jump pit. Not the entire meet, just the long jump pit. This fifty-something tubby jerk made us stand at attention while he explained the rules of his long jump pit. This attention-standing had never happened before and did not after. 

Of the many and silly rules he had, he instructed us we must exit from the back of the pit. Well, duh, exit from the side and it lowers your distance mark in the sand. 

When I jumped and exited from the back via the corner of the pit, four feet past my mark, he tried to throw me out of the competition. And this was just during the warm up, not the actual competition. Fortunately, the head of the meet was a great guy and overruled him. 

Now angered by my slight at usurping his authority, he ruled that a jump I made that was in back of the board and legal, he claimed my foot was over the line making it a foul. Once again he was overruled. Then he did it again and was overruled again. The  head of the meet finally had to relieve this moron of his duties. 

When he stormed off, everybody, coaches, parents, fans and all the competitors applauded and cheered. 

It was great. 

And, if I remember right, the guy was a movie critic. And his daughter was Kristen Stewart.