It is National Intern Day. You can bet Bill Clinton is not taking this lying down. 





Tom Arnold has vowed to take down Donald Trump. So apparently they’re making a movie together. Or Arnold is willing Trump his career.






Vandals untied Betsy DeVos’s $40 mil. yacht. Betsy named the yacht Floaty McHouse.

Betsy pronounces yacht as yachit. 

Betsy named her yacht Yachty McYachtface. 





The latest trend is people jumping out of moving cars to record the Drake “In My Feelings” challenge. This trend is so stupid and dangerous, they are suggesting they eat Tide pods instead.





They’re going to make a reboot of “Frasier.” Frasier is older. In the first episode, Frasier complains there is no kale in the salad at the Early-bird Special. 

This is great news, I heard about on my pager.

That is unless Kelsey Grammer posts a racist tirade on Twitter.






In a German prison, a pedophile serial killer electrocuted himself to death when he masturbated with cables attached to his nipples and penis. Police said they did not suspect foul play. Really? Play cannot possibly get fouler than that. 

Nobody was charged with the crime.

The man really was revolting.

Authorities are keeping the press current of the situation.

His cellmate was shocked when it happened.








Since you asked:

I’m afraid an apology is owed to Britt McHenry, the pretty, blonde ESPN announcer caught on a video in a foul-mouthed tirade to a parking lot attendant.

You see, it was not a regular parking lot attendant Britt was blasting, it was a towing lot attendant. This weekend, good friends shared their experiences with the evil Satan’s minions that are tow-lot attendants.

One friend went to pick up their car on a Friday and they announced they were closing early at 3:00 instead of the normal 5:00. And then charged them full price for the entire weekend, $500 for both Saturday and Sunday. $1,000. 

Towing companies are the lowest scum on the planet. They are trained to induce wrath from people already upset about being towed so they can claim they were verbally abused and charge them another day. 

The great Steve Goodman who wrote “Go Cubs, Go” wrote a song “The Lincoln Park Pirates” a legendary filthy dirty towing company. At a rock concert at Chicago Stadium, Lincoln Park towing hid a “Tow Away Zone” sign behind a tree in a parking lot near the stadium. They towed the entire parking lot and many teenage kids got mugged walking in the neighborhood.

One time in La Jolla, my car got towed for having out-of-date tags. The tags were out of date because I did not have the smog certificate. So to get the tags updated, I had to get the car smog-checked. The cashier at the towing company would not give me the car until the tags were up to date. No matter how many times I tried to explain to her I needed to go get the car smog-checked before I could get new tags, she would not let the car go.

So, I apologize, Britt McHenry. You were actually too nice to that towing company parking lot attendant. 

They are righteous scum. 

You Can Beat a Marty Party 

For a long time, I gave my much-planned but procrastinated fitness program the cute name: Cleaning Up Before The Maid Comes. 

You know when your house is so messy you’re embarrassed for the cleaning person to see it? Like that. 

But after our UCSB track reunion, and I saw how fit my friends are, and I saw, well, a picture of me and my gut, my fitness program is now officially called,

“Clearing Out Debris Before the EPA Sends in Guys with Hazmat Suits.”

For years I have labored under the belief I was an aging fit guy who had a gut to lose. After this weekend, I can see my fitness has taken a serious turn for the worse. 

At 59, I’m a fat guy.

So the good news is I am really attacking this now. The first week of “CODBESGWHS”  is devoted to getting back to hiking with Wally, my dog who also has put on pounds, for three 30 minute hikes and one 60 minute hike, all with huge hills. 

In addition, this week I added planks for one minute after the hikes. (Push up position on the elbows and holding one minute for abs)

Next week, I had ab curls and push-ups and burpees. Also, Saturday, I am going back on the water to stand up paddleboard. 

If I can.

The goal is to do about 3 hours of good cardio a week with one or two SUP sessions thrown in. And three calisthenic days. Later I will add free weights.

Also serious cutting down in food and wine. That is the key. No more late night popcorn.

Last week, I went to my college track reunion as a first time truly fat guy, I notice we fat people joke a lot about being fat. That isn’t because we think it is funny. It is to get ahead of a potential insult. Usually, only genuine assholes pile on when someone jokes at their own expense about their weight. 

It’s called getting ahead of the problem.

There is a guy who is a friend of a friend whom we see at their parties. I’ll call him Marty because his name is Marty. We also went on a couple of ski trips with Marty to Deer Valley/Park City. 

But I was never crazy about Marty. Later I heard Marty screwed over some people on a business deal and I was not surprised. Marty is a self-impressed dick. 

One time my friend and Marty and I decided to walk our dogs together. Before the walk, I made a crack to Marty and my friend about needing the walk to help lose my gut. Marty then piled-on, 

“Oh yeah, I can see it’s really getting rid of your gut.” He was being sarcastic. 

To give you an idea how much I hated Marty for saying that - and I didn’t really like him in the first place - a month later when I heard Marty was getting divorced because he allegedly beat his wife, while obviously glad his wife was fine, I could not be happier for Marty's misfortune.

A month after that, when Marty got arrested for beating his girlfriend - heard she is also fine, bruised but fine -  I could not have been happier for Marty's misfortune.  

That is how much people hate people who make jokes about their weight.

For a long time, I jokingly gave my gut a name: Joe. It was a college friend’s nickname for guy’s guts, as in "That guy has quite a Joe." Guys named Joe tend to have beer guts. 

Now I have decided to change Joe’s name to Marty. Because I hate Marty so much, I will get rid of him sooner.