Weiner, oh Weiner, oh Weiner duh boop, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Ivanka Trump’s clothing line has been shut-down along with Donald’s line of steaks, vodka, and his casinos. The Trumps could not sell booze, meat, gambling and women’s panties to Americans.

Stormy Daniels is getting divorced from her porn-actor husband. If these two sweet, well-adjusted kids can’t make it, what chance do we have?

Donald Trump is looking forward to his next meeting with Vladimir Putin. Because everyone on Grinder knows, the second date is when the fun stuff happens.

Swimmer Ryan Lochte has been banned for a year after posting a picture of himself getting an illegal intravenous shot. The number of Olympic medals Ryan has is 12. The exact same number of his IQ score.

Normally, Ryan colors his hair blue. This time his career is what he blew. (Works better speaking the joke than reading it) 

In Reno, a skunk ran onto the field at a minor league game. Animal Services captured the skunk and charged it with impersonating the Baltimore Orioles. 




They're going to make a "Deadwood" movie. For those not familiar, "Deadwood" was an HBO show about a hot, dirty western mining town where everyone defied physics by not getting dehydrated while sweating heavily and drinking only coffee and whiskey.  

And if they edited out the word c*cksucker, the show would be a two-minute skit. 



In a Queens Hooters in the early hours, Lamar Odom was involved in an altercation that ended in gunfire. (Nobody was shot) Not trying to tell Lamar how to live, but rarely does anything good come after the line: in a Queens Hooters in the early hours 



Since you asked:

Of all of the select untalented and yet famous comedians, from joke thieves like Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Amy Schumer, to just the lottery-winning-lucky untalented, Pauly Shore - who had a boost from mommy , Mitzi - and sitcom lottery winners, Michael Richards, Jim Belushi, Dane Cook and Tom Arnold, the most undeserving of her fame and wealth was Roseanne Barr.

At a time when Mitzi Shore and Rodney Dangerfield were bending over backward to only help women comedians - that is why Jamie Foxx changed his name so they assumed he was a woman and gave him stage time - Roseanne Barr benefited the most because she was the first to be a white-trash housewife. 

To be fair, Roseanne had a solid 20 minutes of material from ten years of struggling stand up. She made the most of an HBO special and then got her show. It was a success despite it being famous for being a toxic environment due to Roseanne and her sewer-hole for a mouth and the personality of a fat, rabid hyena. 

But not as cute as a fat, rabid hyena. 

But anyone who saw her in person, as I had the misfortune to, in the mid- '80's knows just how vile and disgusting Roseanne truly was. 

It's nice to think that there is a talent reckoning due to the dead-ends of the careers of Dane Cook, Jim Belushi, Pauly Shore, Michael Richards, Roseanne, Tom Arnold. 

But the truth is they were on top for over ten years. And unless they spent the money like M.C. Hammer, they should be fine.

When you see someone with talent, like Marc Maron, make such a comeback after self-imploding, and the talent and hard work pay off of Iliza Shlesinger, Judd Apatow, Natasha Leggero, Keegan-Michael Key* and Jordan Peele, it makes you feel there is a smattering of justice in comedy.  

Not for everyone, but a smattering of justice. 

*Dear Hollywood Actors:

For the love of craft services would you please stop using three names? Nobody can remember three names. The guy who is huge from "American Pie" who played Stiffler, nobody but his agent can remember his name, Seann William and Mary Scott. Only a few more can remember a really talented guy, Gordon-Joseph Love-It-At-Levitt. 

What about Sarah Jessica Parker, you say? Well, yeah, she is a huge star and those are easy names to remember. Unless you are planning to have the most popular show in the US for ten years, drop the third name Seann Michael Douche-bag Keegan Homer Mathias Skank-Nozzle.


For me, the greatest feature of all of these Donald Trump scandals is seeing the professional Trump ass-kissers thrown under the bus, like Steve Bannon, Anthony Scaramucci, Hope Hicks and now Michael Cohen. 


But none of these will bring the raw and delicious schadenfreude that will result when the bus-tossing happens to Stephen Miller, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the latest to get chapped lips from smooching Trump’s 50-pounds-of chewed-bubblegum fat tuchus, Rudy Giuliani.  

Make no mistake about it, these people are going down, and they're going to go down like Kanye on Kim on Kim's birthday. 


"Westworld" did not just jump the shark. The shark humped a mechanical shark and they had a baby shark who jumped them and then ate them, but they turned out to be still alive through the miracle of a time machine. 

Re-read Rick Reilly's 2004 account of playing golf with Donald Trump in "Who's Your Caddy?"  

It had many insights. Reilly said golf is like bike shorts. It can reveal more of about a man than he wants. 

“He took the world’s first gimme chip-in,” Reilly said. At one point, Trump, after taking a number of second shots, told Reilly to “make sure you write that I play my first ball. You don’t get a second ball in life.” In life it may or may not be true that a person gets a second chance; and yet, as Reilly wrote, on holes 1, 13 and 17, Trump did indeed get a second ball.

Other insights included that Trump twisted the truth like origami every 30 seconds. The price of building his golf course went up four times in their three-hour round.   

Reilly said Trump was like that high school liar who said his aunt was Farah Fawcett. He said a six-year-old can see Trump has to lasso the conversation back to him every 15 seconds. He said Trump lied, Trump cheated, but Trump was fun. 

But one day was more than enough.