Monday, January 15, 2018

The "WSJ" claims Donald Trump had sex with a woman who is paid a fortune to pretend to enjoy sex. And besides Melania, Trump had sex with Stormy Daniels.

The bad news is Donald Trump paid a porn star, Stormy Daniels, $130,000 to hush up their affair. The good news is Trump finally paid someone who worked for him. 

“Fire and Fury”? Sloppy Steve Bannon? Sh*thole Haiti? Stormy Daniels? Trying to write jokes about Donald Trump is the comedy equivalent of a dog trying to bite all the rain drops.

Donald Trump allegedly paid off porn star, Stormy Daniel’s, silence over their affair for $130,000. That seems like a lot for a guy who gets to grab them for free.

James Franco has been accused of sexual harassment by five actresses. If Hollywood is going to end their sexual harassment problems, they’re going to have to think outside the box.

The Seattle Seahawks’ Jeremy Lane was arrested for a DUI over the weekend. So much for the theory the Seahawks could not get arrested during these playoffs.

Awkward moment when Donald Trump was told it was MLK Day. Said Trump, "Milk is spelled with an I. We stable geniuses know that."

Not to go into sordid details, but Trump hired Stormy Daniels because he said she is known to take it in the Haiti.

Stormy Daniels's adult film career focused on lesbian movies. So an affair with Donald Trump was not a big stretch for her.

Minnesota shocked New Orleans with a last-second win. Or as Donald Trump would put it, the Saints got it in the Haiti.

Several businesses have removed their Trump name due to a severe drop in business. Especially the Trump Proctology Grotto. It was a real sh*thole. 

Scientists claim a new device can translate animal noises to English. "My horse, Sassy, is a liar," said Roy Moore. 

Since you asked:

Dear Big Guy In The Sky:

Please let my scary, post-menopausal psycho neighbor with the incessantly yapping lap dogs in her backyard upset my other scary, post-menopausal psycho neighbor who hates dogs. Problem solved and hilarity to ensue. With an emphasis on sue. 

Lex’s Latest Brainstorm:

"Hollywood’s Next Producer"

The era of the sleazy, harassing producer is over. Now producers will be woke and stoked. Since so many old pervert producers are out, time to fill their spots.

It combines “Amazing Race,” with “Chopped,” and “American Idol.” Give four up-and-coming production assistants a modest budget and give them crazy problems to solve, aka, produce: best Steak Diane, 1,000 red balloons, a child who can sing the National Anthem, a set location for an Indian/Cowboy ambush, a grizzly bear that can ride a scooter  and get a Mercedes sawed in half. (Not by the bear, by someone else)  

And, whatever you do, make sure there is a weathered, burly, ex-jock, 50-ish comedy writer as a wise-cracking judge.