(Sung to the tune of "Tiny Dancer")




Hold me closer, Stormy Daniels
Count the money on the dresser
Lay me down in sheets of rubber
You had a pissy day today. 



Now, I would hate to brag, but I just used a parody of a classic Elton John song to tie together, not one, but two of Donald Trump's alleged prostitute scandals.

Not saying this is the algorithm that explains truth, but this is damn good, if I do say so myself.  


Sloppy Steve Bannon? Sh*thole Haiti? Stormy Daniels? Here is a comedy writer trying to keep up:

Sh*t on a biscuit and call it gravy, this is a wild day even for Donald Trump, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The New England Patriots face the Tennessee Titans. Both teams, Patriots and Titans, have the word Tit in them. Point this out to NE's Rob Gronkowski, and he'll have the game of his life.