Do not bazinga on my gazooba, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers 

Much of the country will be blasted by arctic air. People are shaking like Hollywood actors seeing Gloria Allred.  

A psychiatrist warns kissing your children on the lips is too sexual and will confuse them. To which Donald Trump asked, “So tongue with Ivanka is out?” 

Reports claim morale in ISIS is at an all-time low. As a result, ISIS announced they will have Taco Tuesdays. Anyone not attending will be beheaded.

Roy Moore has charged fraud against the Alabama Senate election. It has been 16 days since the election and Moore does not like anything over 16. 

Roy Moore has charged fraud against the Alabama Senate election. Roy and Kayla Moore are sure there is election fraud because their accountant who did the re-count is a Jew.

There is a cold snap across the US. People are shaking like Roy Moore trying to get into the mall to return Christmas presents.

 Much of the country will be blasted by arctic air. It will be so cold in Cleveland, the Browns’ will be shaking before they see film of their next opponent.

Scientists claim waiting tables is more stressful than brain surgery. Being a waiter is especially stressful if you’re the waiter who has to explain to the Kardashians there is no horse in the horseradish.

Tiffany and Ivanka Trump posed in their bikinis in Mar-a-Lago for a Christmas video. And Eric Trump took a dick-pic and labeled it “Santa’s North Pole.” 

Hillary Clinton supporters are calling for people to cancel their subscription to “Vanity Fair” magazine for suggesting Hillary take up knitting. Asked Millennials, “Quick question. What is a magazine?” 

Donald Trump attacked Anna Wintour on Twitter mistaking the “Vogue” editor for the editor of “Vanity Fair.” If only our president had access to some kind of search engine that could prevent a humiliating mistake like that.