Friday, November 10, 2017

Alabama Senate candidate, Roy Moore, is accused of sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl when he was 32. What does Moore think he’s doing? Running for Senator of Hollywood?

First Harvey Weinstein and Now Louis C.K. No wonder it’s hard to make it big in Hollywood. The thought of ever being seen masturbating would embarrass most people to death.

It turns out the exiting Twitter employee who shut down Donald Trump’s Twitter account was in customer support. He declined comment because he is busy working on his Nobel Peace Prize speech. 

In Kansas City, a police interrogation had to be terminated due to the criminal’s excessive flatulence, so they let him go. Finally some good news for Harvey Weinstein.

A 23-year-old Ohio substitute teacher, Madeline Marx, is charged with having sex with two male high school students and sending nude pictures. She claims it was all part of the class curriculum: Making it In Weinstein’s Hollywood. 

Comedian Louis CK responded to the five sexual harassment accusations by admitting they were true. He did not lie. Well, there goes his political career. 

Donald Trump’s approval rating with African Americans is 4%. African Americans like Kid Rock more than Trump. 

A poll claims 82% of Donald Trump’s voters said, if given another chance, they would vote for Trump again. 50% however, were undergoing concussion protocol.

Since you asked:

Saw a special on “Rolling Stone: Stories From the Edge” on HBO.  The problem with “Rolling Stone”? Like their founder, Jann Wenner, "RS" have always been effete snobs trying to disguise themselves as rebels. 

They trashed Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton’s “Layla,” and despised the Eagles. In fact, they despised the entire Los Angeles music scene, James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. 

The “RS” writers were punk rock fans. Being a punk rock fan required a level of such intense pseudo-intellectuality that your brain had to be able to override your ears to say horrible music was great for the purpose of appearing hip and edgy. 

Let me just say anyone who was a devoted punk music fan was and probably still is an asshole. Case in point? Anthony Bourdain. Punk music was a way for people who were rejected by society to feel better about themselves. In punk rock, being ugly and awful was cool.

With the notable exception of great three great writers Cameron Crowe, Hunter S. Thompson and P.J. O’ Rourke, “Rolling Stone” writers were punk-rock-loving assholes. This was a reflection of their coked-up prissy founder, Jann Wenner’s, desire to always put down whatever was popular.

Jann Wenner was the bullied fat kid with the bow-tie and the sweater vest who was able to take his angry hot-tears of endless childhood rejection and turn them into a successful magazine. Wenner’s editorial goal was to take his fellow losers and turn them into heroes.

That is why “Rolling Stone” adored quirky misfits Bob Dylan, Patti Smith and Andy Warhol and despised genuine A-dogs like Robert Plant, Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen and Don Henley. And female A-dogs like Linda Ronstadt and Stevie Nicks. They, Henley, Bruce, Eric and Plant, Nicks and Ronstadt, were the jocks of the rock world. Smith, Warhol and Dylan were the ones the jocks left hanging in their lockers.

In the end, “Rolling Stone” just turned into a shameless advertising swine-whore selling out to yuppie commercialism almost as blatantly as “Esquire” and “Playboy.” 

Many years ago, when I was doing stand-up at the La Jolla Comedy Store, I was asked to showcase for Mitzi Shore. During my set, in the back of the room I heard this obnoxiously loud frog voice in a Long Island accent almost yell, 

“He’s just another Louis CK.”

It was Mitzi. 

Each time Donald Trump goes off-script, it reminds me of the time I was 16 and tried to impress my driver’s license examiner by doing donuts in the DMV parking lot.

My "Life is Good" sticker on my car is looking a bit tattered and frayed. Hopefully I can replace it soon.

Among the many things that are so deeply depressing about the Weinstein/Louis CK harassment allegations is how seedy and unseemly the sex was. 

Yes, I imagined there was a ton of unfairly manipulated coercing of coupling for professional leverage and threats by powerful men instead of sex for love, but at least it could have been done in a creative and sexy Hollywood way. 

On a canopy bed by the infinity pool with billowing curtains in a Coldwater Canyon home with a 360 view of Los Angeles and the near distant moonlit ocean. With fountains of champagne involving two or three Victoria Secret models joining in. And lots of baby oil.  And strawberries.

Well, maybe not baby oil and strawberries...

Not jerking off into a potted plant in the banquet room of a crowded restaurant or yanking it out of your jeans in a dingy dressing room of a Des Moines Chuckle Barn or a Boise Komedy Klub.