A Turnt 'Taint ain't great, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Colorado company is making a deodorant with whisky. “This is a great idea,” said Highway patrolmen behind in their DUI arrest quota. 

 These are the products that result when you legalize marijuana in a state.

Disgraced congressman sexter, Anthony Weiner, has been sentenced to a medical center for sex offenders. Lucky for Weiner, just in time for their Fall turnabout dance.

Congratulations to the Houston Astros for winning a great World Series. But game 7 at Dodger Stadium was so boring, by the 6th inning, Larry King’s head had retracted back into his shell.

We had a group of trick-or-treaters who were so slow, they showed up the night after Halloween. That will teach them to dress as the Cleveland Browns.

 There were so many pitching changes in game 7 of the World Series, Larry King had to use another slab of stone for his scorecard.

We had trick-or-treaters who showed up last night, two days after Halloween. They were dressed as game 5 of the World Series. 

Game 7 of the World Series was so long, some of the actors Kevin Spacey hit on were of legal age by the end.

Dodger Cody Bellinger set a record of 17 strikeouts in a World Series. . Some of his swings were the ugliest thing in baseball since Marge Schott owned the Cincinnati Reds. 

Disgraced congressman sexter, Anthony Weiner, has been sentenced to a medical center for sex offenders. It is the first facility to issue soap-on-a-rope so patients don’t drop it in the shower.

The Los Angeles Dodgers lost the World Series to the Houston Astros. The good news for the Dodgers is they are the only group of rich guys in LA who have not been accused of sexual harassment.

Papa John’s claims NFL anthem protests are hurting their pizza sales. In an equally sensible statement, Chipotle blames their awful queso sauce on NHL players fighting.

Congratulations to the Houston Astros for winning a great World Series. But game 7 at Dodger Stadium was so boring, some the Hollywood producers there had to harass themselves.

In Wisconsin, a child’s trick-or-treat bag contained meth. The parents say, next year, they will not let their child dress up as the mayor Gainesville, Fla. 

In retrospect, the saddest part of Halloween was the kids dressed as the Cleveland Browns who were not strong enough to ring our doorbell.

Since you asked:

John "Papa John" Schnatter, Phil "Nike" Knight and Donald Trump are all examples of how it is possible to be a billionaire and an idiot at the same time.