"Hey, Kombucha, powder your clam, you’re dancing next, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers"


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Madonna took to Twitter to complain FedEx would not deliver her packages because they did not believe she was Madonna. They thought she was Steven Tyler.

Apparently, FedEx did not think Madonna looked anything like a virgin. 

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The San Diego Padres are 33 games out of first. Why? An unwritten rule in baseball is slumping players sleep with an unattractive woman - or slump-buster - to break out of the slump. The only unattractive women in San Diego just moved to Los Angeles. 

Thanks again, Spanos family. 

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Here are some last-minute suggestions for Fantasy Football team names: 

Covfefe Scaramucci

Kardashian Side Pieces

Ezekiel’s Bail

Brady’s Air Valve

Serena’s Baby Daddy

Osteen’s Pass Key

Usher’s Seven-Year Itch



Gronk McGronkface



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The US soccer team pulled out a tie against Honduras, 1-1, to keep their World Cup hopes alive. They say a tie is like kissing your sister, but this tie was so big it was almost Cersei and Jaime Lannister-like.


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Happy 55th birthday to Chris Christie. Christie celebrated by taking his family to the Bayonne Olive Garden and closing it after they got there.