Do snap de widdly bap, do bop de Beiber whap, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

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Kansas City Royal pitcher, Danny Duffy, got a DUI after passing out in a Burger King drive-through. We knew Duffy was a good pitcher, but we had no idea he also had NFL potential.

They first suspected Duffy was inebriated when he passed an In-N-Out to go to Burger King.

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The Detroit Lions signed Matt Stafford to the highest salary in NFL history with 5-year, $135 mil. Or, as Floyd Mayweather calls $135 mil., four rounds.

The Detroit Lions, who have not won a playoff game in 25 years, just signed Matt Stafford to the highest salary in NFL history with $135 mil. over five years. “That is a good investment,” said Bernie Madoff. 

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Houston evangelist, Joel Osteen, refused to let flood victims into his 16,000 seat church. Have to say, I am so disappointed in Joel Osteen. He was so good in “The Sixth Sense.”

Houston evangelist, Joel Osteen, who refused to let flood victims into his 16,000 seat church, is now opening his doors. He just had to pump out the flooding from his B.S.

Joel Osteen refusing to open his church doors to flood victims was the worst public relations move since Bill Cosby hosted a Ladies Only Happy Hour.

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Ann Coulter is under fire for saying god punishing Houston for electing a lesbian mayor is more credible than global warming. You would think Ann would be in a better mood since her Ice King melted the wall with their new blue dragon.


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A great weekend for Floyd Mayweather. He extended his unbeaten streak to 50, earned $300 mil. and kept his domestic battery arrests at under 9. 


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Houston evangelist, Joel Osteen, refused to let flood victims into his 16,000 seat church. Like Jesus said, “Do unto others unless it could hurt the property value.”

Since you asked:

Saw Sarah Silverman’s “Speck of Dust” (Netflix) for a second time, and I am more impressed than the first time. Her story about her sister in college is a gut-buster. While not as outspoken and shocking as she has been before, the alt-right will probably not like it. 

But what blew me away was the seamlessness between her ad-libbing and her amazing timing. Unlike many even top comedians, you cannot tell what is rehearsed and what is extemporaneous. Even when a great comedian appears to be winging it, 98% of the time it is rehearsed. And yes, that includes Robin Williams, RIP. With many comedians, even what appears to be random crowd input is often staged.

Not with Sarah. 

You can see her doing the writing in her head as she goes along. And that is one quick and smart head. She mispronounces the word horror and then corrects herself over and over. And just as soon as you think the word starts to lose meaning, she says, “I’ve said it too many times.”

Sarah is so open and refreshingly honest about being a child bed-wetter and being “dead-eyed and slack-jawed” when she masturbates, she embarrasses guys in the crowd with her insights of their whack-method of choice. Gym sock? Tissues? Shower? At one point she says, “You look like a “On the naked belly” kind of guy.” 

Don’t get me wrong, it is not all potty-body humor. She can get deep and dark. (Is almost dying of a staph infection in her throat a year ago dark enough for you?) 

Sarah is, to spew a cliche, in-the-moment as much as any comedian I have seen. Her comment to the audience that, “You’re my entertainment” hits home with anyone who has been lucky enough to have enjoyed doing stand up.

Go see “Speck of Dust.” Unless you’re Mike Pence of Donald Trump. And even Donald Trump might like it.



Whew, I just had my own Hurricane Harvey in the toilet, if you know what I mean. Mexican food, am I right? (Reading the room after the fact) Too soon? Got it.

While I suppose it is good Joel Osteen finally opened his church's doors due to the relentless bad press, it cannot be good that an Evangelist got caught lying about his church being flooded.