When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro*, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After being beaten by 7-time domestic abuser, Floyd Mayweather, Conor McGregor said, “I made him fight like a Mexican.” This could be the first fight with two losers.

“Fox Sports” hired convicted dog-fighter, Michael Vick, as an analyst on “National Dog Day.” That’s like hiring Bernie Madoff on “Safe Investing” day.

In Florida, an intoxicated woman was apprehended after she swam and bit a fisherman’s line and swam off with his lure in her mouth. This story brought to you by the producers of Crystal Meth. 

Prior to his defeating Conor McGregor, Floyd Mayweather bought a $4 mil Ferrari and tried to bet $400,000 on himself. “Wow, that is fascinating,” said the IRS whom Mayweather owes $22 million. 

Medical staff in Redding, CA, reported, while nobody lost their vision to the eclipse, many patients applied sunscreen to their eyeballs to watch it. And they are using up perfectly good oxygen. 

After being beaten by 7-time domestic abuser, Floyd Mayweather, Conor McGregor said, “I made him fight like a Mexican.” Kids, this is why it is bad to hit people in the head.

A study claims 90% of lottery winners end up broke and depressed. This study was conducted by the “Screw ‘em, We Didn’t Win Either” Institute. 

This weekend Major League teams let players wear their nicknames on their jerseys. Some teams put more effort into it than others. The Phillies and the Mets just had “This Freakin’ Guy” on the back. 

An Australian housing development has named the streets after "Game of Thrones" characters. On Jaimi Lannister drive, you can only make left-hand turns. And Theon Street gets cut off.

In Florida, an intoxicated woman was apprehended after she swam over and bit a fisherman’s line and swam off with his lure in her mouth. He claims she was baiting him.

As they did two years ago, Budweiser is going to can water to give to the Texas flood victims. Coors already cans water, but they call it Coors Light.

In Florida, an intoxicated woman was apprehended after she swam over and bit a fisherman’s line and swam off with his lure in her mouth. But, to his credit, he did not cast aspersions on her. 

Michael Vick has been hired as an analyst for “Fox Sports.” “That’s horrible. When did they start fox-fighting?” Asked a dumb guy.

In Florida, an intoxicated woman was apprehended after she swam over and bit a fisherman’s line and swam off with his lure in her mouth. She brought a new meaning to the term trolling.

*Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.