Sunday, July 23, 2017

Two thangs gonna happen: One, Imma kick they ass, two, they gonna get they ass kicked, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

China has banned Justin Bieber for bad behavior. And we wonder why China is kicking our ass? 

Warner Bros. has announced a sequel to “Wonder Woman.” In equally shocking news, Warner Bros. announced they like making lots and lots of money.

During “Shark Week,” Olympic swimmer, pot-loving, Michael Phelps, is going to race a great white shark. For the shark, this could make this a pot luck dinner. 

The Kung Fu Panda, Pablo Sandoval, has signed with the San Francisco Giants. San Francisco immediately suffers Kung Pao Chicken shortage. 

Since you asked:

“The San Diego Union Tribune” has officially Boyce Garrison’d itself into oblivion. 

Like most of our San Diego friends, we stopped getting “The San Diego Union Tribune” a long time ago. Just took in the Sunday edition for vacationing neighbors. 

It is officially 80% advertising.

To cut costs, they had to fire the good writers and keep the old, tenured writers, so the quality of the writing sucks. Because the quality sucks and nobody is reading it, they have to sell more advertising. 

People are paying to have paper garbage thrown on their front lawn. 

“The San Diego Union Tribune” has officially Boyce Garrison’d itself into oblivion. 

With that big rat, Spicer, jumping ship, and the Mueller investigation so quiet, I just have a strong feeling this is the week that the fit really hits the shan for Trumpies. 

You want to know what’s wrong with soccer? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with soccer. It’s too Europeanie-weenie. (And don’t even start with its called Football crap) 

Soccer is too much a guy named Ian in knickers and bumper standing in a queue having a go. 

Let’s forget for now all the man-buns, and single funky names and the PMS-inspired flopping. “This last whimpy flop has been brought to you by Midol.”

Teams are named after towns or clubs or odd combinations of both. Real Madrid? But do they have their team name on their jersey? (Don’t start with kit) No, they have a name of a sponsor.

Teams move up, teams move down. The Cleveland Browns may suck, but they are always in the NFL. What happened to loyalty? 

Each country has two or three league championships. There is nothing close to the Super Bowl. Except in the Olympics and World Cup, but then they are playing for their countries, not their teams. 

And then there are “Friendlies.” WT Crusty F? Can you imagine the Packers and the Bears playing a, eww, eww, eww, Friendly? Ehhhhhhhhhhh. 

And players get borrowed? 

“Yeah, uh, hello, Packers? Bears here. We have a Friendly against the Raiders. Can we borrow Aaron Rodgers? We'll give him back. Thanks.”

And the hand-holding with kids before the game is cute and all, but . . . no.

Rest in peace beautiful Pudsey